


get me off this ride

by ccs



Category: Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard - Rick Riordan, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Kane Chronicles - Rick Riordan
Genre: I posted this on ff.net and it got no views and I'm an attention ho so now I'm here, Multi, at least I know chatfics are popular here, but its a rick riordan fanfic what did you expect, did I do ok?, gratuitous pop culture references, it's a hot mess, this is my first time on this site
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-22 07:17:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10692345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ccs/pseuds/ccs
Summary: lance: this conversation is a hot messbecause poseidon: I had such pure intentions when I started thisfire at will: get me off this ride(percy made a group chat. oops.)





	1. can you believe x invented y

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally posted on ff.net but since I'm retired and no one writes chatfics over there anyway it got nothing so I dragged my ass over here
> 
> (catch me on ff.net as CalaveraCandiedSkull I used to be popular)

because poseidon added hadrian’s girl, superboy, queen of love and beauty, marianas trash, gem and the holograms, and juan to the conversation “Seven Reunion Chat”

because poseidon: ayo!!!! welcome to the party  
superboy: Yo!!! Bro!!!!  
because poseidon: BRO  
superboy: b r o  
queen of love and beauty: what have we started  
gem and the holograms: Piper is that you??  
queen of love and beauty: It’s me!!!! ….Hazel?  
gem and the holograms: yeah  
marianas trash: Where on earth did that name come from  
marianas trash: last week you were Witch Hazel  
gem and the holograms: Leo made me change it  
juan: ole  
gem and the holograms: he said it’s for some old cheesy cartoon from the 1980s  
gem and the holograms: I don’t really get it but it sounds cute  
superboy: I think it’s supposed to be spelled ‘Jem’  
marianas trash: it works better as ‘gem’, though doesn’t it? because she summons gemstones and holograms out of mist  
juan: see? he gets it  
queen of love and beauty: wait what do you mean last week she was Witch Hazel?? I didn’t know you guys chatted??  
marianas trash: yeah we do it when praetor/centurion duties keep us apart all day  
queen of love and beauty: aaaaAAAWWWWW!!!!! YOU GUYS!!!!  
because poseidon: otp  
superboy: wait Frank is that you?  
marianas trash: Yep  
superboy: why are we talking about Hazel’s name what on earth is YOUR name??  
superboy: everyone’s name has a reason? Like Percy’s makes sense and Piper’s makes sense and mine makes sense, Hazel’s makes sense  
superboy: even Leo’s named after that dumb viner he likes so much  
juan: HEY  
because poseidon: marianas trench is the deepest part of the ocean right? are you making some kind of statement about the level of pollution in the depths of our oceans?  
marianas trash: I am literally so touched you think I’m that deep  
because poseidon: idk you’re canadian aren’t you  
gem and the holograms: He’s named after some band from Vancouver he really loves  
marianas trash: see Hazel this is why we need to spend more time together  
marianas trash: if you really knew me you’d never call Marianas Trench SOME BAND  
queen of love and beauty: lmao Frank is a fanboy  
marianas trash: IF YOU EVEN KNEW WHO MARIANAS TRENCH WERE YOU WOULD BE ONE TOO  
marianas trash: !!!!!!!!!!  
superboy: this is the funniest thing  
gem and the holograms: sorry Frank really but no one knows who they are  
queen of love and beauty: nope  
superboy: no, sorry  
because poseidon: not even a little bit  
juan: testing  
queen of love and beauty: ??  
superboy: are you testing new equipment?  
juan: testing  
because poseidon: leo wtf  
marianas trash: NO  
juan: i’m just suggesting  
because poseidon: what????  
marianas trash: you and I might not be the best thing  
queen of love and beauty: o hMYGODS  
juan: exit  
marianas trash: exit  
juan: some how I guessed IT RIGHT  
marianas trash: RIIIIGHT  
superboy: OHMY GOOOOOODS  
juan: BUT I STILL WANT YA, WANT YA  
marianas trash: DON’T MEAN TO TAUNT YA  
gem and the holograms: who knew Leo, of all people  
juan: IF YA LEAVE NOW I’LL COME BACK AND HAUNT YA  
marianas trash: YOU’LL REMEMBER, RETURN TO SENDER NOW  
queen of love and beauty: can you believe frank and leo invented bromance  
juan: oh hey speaking that fuckin amazing song can I add my girlfriend  
queen of love and beauty: ohh oh you mean CALYPSO  
superboy: oooooooooh~  
juan: ok first of all Jason never use that squiggly again  
superboy: ~  
juan: second of all, yes  
juan: can I add her  
because poseidon: do it, do it, do it  
gem and the holograms: Do it!!! 

juan added don’t you forget about me to the conversation “Seven Reunion Chat”

don’t you forget about me: Helloo!!  
gem and the holograms: HI!!  
marianas trash: Heyo  
superboy: hi Calypso!!:)  
because poseidon: yo  
queen of love and beauty: let me guess, Leo picked that name  
don’t you forget about me: No, actually! Well, sort of?  
don’t you forget about me: he was watching Pitch Perfect and I wanted to watch The Breakfast Club because of it  
queen of love and beauty: ahhh ;) did you cry  
don’t you forget about me: completely besides the point ;)  
juan: breakfast club isn’t that good it’s not as good as pitch perfect  
don’t you forget about me: You’re wrong but ok sweetie :)  
queen of love and beauty: LMAO SAVAGE  
marianas trash: Leo I like your girlfriend  
juan: can you believe frank zhang invented cancelled bromances  
queen of love and beauty: wait if this is supposed to be a seven reunion chat how are we forgetting the real mvp

queen of love and beauty added reyna for president to the conversation “Seven Reunion Chat”

reyna for president: You had a party and you didn’t invite me?  
reyna for president: Frank you’re fired  
marianas trash: SORRY  
because poseidon: good point though I completely forgot you and nico  
reyna for president: How Dare You  
superboy: can we even add Nico though? I don’t know his name  
reyna for president: he’s keeping it under pain of death  
gem and the holograms: yeah I promised I wouldn’t tell  
don’t you forget about me: Nico seemed so nice? Why doesn’t he want to talk to us?  
superboy: because of Percy  
because poseidon: OUCH  
don’t you forget about me: You guys seriously won’t tell?:(  
juan: wait i know who will tell us

juan added fire at will to the conversation “Seven Reunion Chat”

fire at will: but I’m a creep  
fire at will: I’m a weirdo  
fire at will: what the hell am I doing here?  
fire at will: I don’t belong here  
juan: shut up and tell us nico’s name  
fire at will: oh

fire at will added keith to the conversation “Seven Reunion Chat”

keith: oh my gods, they found me  
keith: I don’t know how, but they found me  
superboy: KEITH???? THAT’S where you’ve been hiding under all this time??  
queen of love and beauty: NICO! Why didn’t you want to join our chat?  
gem and the holograms: sorry Nico I swear I didn’t tell  
don’t you forget about me: I thought we were friends!  
keith: We are friends  
keith: I just don’t want to get spammed by Percy’s stupid “not my type” jokes at three in the morning  
because poseidon: if you didn’t want me to make jokes about it you never should have said it  
juan: WAIT NICO ARE YOU NAMED AFTER KEITH FROM VOLTRON  
keith:……………..yes?  
juan: FUCK  
juan: I SAID HE TOTALLY LOOKS LIKE KEITH  
fire at will: not another one  
superboy: Is Voltron that Netflix show about the giant robot made of mechanical lions?  
juan: IT IS NOT JUST A NETFLIX SHOW  
juan: IT”S AN EXPERIENCE  
don’t you forget about me: Mechanical lions???  
fire at will: see that’s what I said  
juan: I TOLD YOU HE LOOKS LIKE KEITH SO MUCH I”M SHOOK  
juan: WAIT

juan changed his name to lance

keith: no  
fire at will: OI  
keith: Change it back. Now.  
lance: why??? not a fan of the klance??;)  
keith: I love the Klance that’s why you have to change it  
because poseidon: klance?  
queen of love and beauty: Keith/Lance I’m presuming  
keith: Exactly. change it back  
lance: we had a bonding moment!! I cradled you in my arms!!  
keith:  
lance: wait  
keith: I’M THE ONE WHO’S SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT  
marianas trash: On the subject of naming names, Will why?  
fire at will: oh. idk kayla says it as a joke all the time  
fire at will: if you think of a better one let me know  
lance: i can’t believe I have met someone else who likes Voltron. cal won’t watch it with me  
don’t you forget about me: You never even asked me  
lance: yeah well you like breakfast club better than pitch perfect your opinion cannot be trusted  
keith: I suppose it is nice, Will won’t watch it either  
lance: have you heard Keith’s Pining Playlist™ ??  
keith: No?  
lance: omg you need to hear it  
lance: it’s the best thing ever I laughed until I cried and then I laughed harder  
lance: hang on are you in cabin 13? I’m coming over  
keith: Yeah  
keith: Hey wait don’t invite yourself into other people’ cabins!  
keith: Too late. He’s here.  
fire at will: I’M COMING TOO YOU NEED SUPERVISION  
queen of love and beauty: This just in, Nico isn’t the only one in the relationship with a jealous streak  
reyna for president: Leo please don’t break up my otp  
superboy: wait there’s something I keep coming back to  
superboy: Nico when we first added you did you quote Back To The Future  
lance: he’s listening to the Playlist  
keith: Oh, yeah Will made me watch it to help with my “Time-Displacement After Effect Shock Disorder”  
keith: Which isn’t a real thing, by the way  
fire at will: is too, i’m a doctor  
queen of love and beauty: Then maybe Nico can help settle our dispute  
queen of love and beauty: Breakfast Club or Pitch Perfect?  
keith: Listen, Leo has just shown me Elysium in sound format so I have to pick his side  
lance: score!!!!  
lance: #klanceneverdies  
keith: #bondingmoment  
reyna for president: WHAT IS HAPPENING  
because poseidon: that’s ok nico wouldn’t have picked breakfast club anyway it’s  
because poseidon: not his type  
keith: SEE THIS IS WHY  
superboy: y’all are tripping, The Breakfast Club = best John Hughes movie  
because poseidon: no man it’s Ferris Bueller’s Day Off  
marianas trash: Percy!!!!! You spelled it right!!!!  
because poseidon: thanks for your support  
superboy: actually he’s spelling almost everything right? How?  
because poisedon: do you all have so little faith in me?  
superboy: Yes  
marianas trash: Yes  
gem and the holograms: yes  
lance: si  
keith: Yes.  
fire at will: yep  
queen of love and beauty: yeah  
don’t you forget about me: Sorry but yes  
because poseidon: fine Annabeth installed autocorrect on my phone  
queen of love and beauty: I KNEEW IT  
lance: speaking of where tf is annabeth?  
queen of love and beauty: lmao yeah wasn’t she added to this chat  
because poseidon: oh  
because poseidon: yeah hang on  
hadrian’s girl: Oh!! hey  
hadrian’s girl: Sorry I was doing homework  
queen of love and beauty: Ok Annabeth everyone who joins this chat seems to go through this  
queen of love and beauty: What tf is your name????  
fire at will: who is hadrian and should percy be jealous  
hadrian’s girl: No, Hadrian is an architect  
reyna for president: He was a Roman emperor! Built Hadrian’s Wall, rebuilt the Pantheon and the Temple of Venus and Roma  
marianas trash: one of the Five Good Emperors™  
lance: is that even a thing???  
reyna for president: Nerva, Trajan, Hadrian, Antoninus Pius and Marcus Aurelius  
marianas trash: look them up  
because poseidon: isn’t Marcus Aurelius the guy from Gladiator  
hadrian’s girl: Yes dear that’s him  
hadrian’s girl: and no, Percy doesn’t have to be jealous. Unless someone invents a time machine in which case bye  
don’t you forget about me: Always nice to meet a fellow savage  
hadrian’s girl: As it stands we’re probably just naming our firstborn son after him  
queen of love and beauty: lmao does Percy know that?  
hadrian’s girl: He does now  
because poseidon: cool  
superboy: I don’t mean to overbear on your relationship but Hadrian Chase-Jackson is literally such a badass name  
fire at will: damn we all gotta step our naming game up, nico lets brainstorm  
lance: he’s on Teenage Dirtbag he ain’t going nowhere  
marianas trash: any MT songs on that playlist?  
lance: no, it’s a tragedy though All To Myself would really work  
lance: actually that would work better from lance’s pov  
lance: omg, did I just invent Pining Lance  
keith: make a playlist  
fire at will: I AM BEING OUTFANDOMED OUT OF MY OWN DAMN RELATIONSHIP  
reyna for president: You know who I just realised is going to be very pissed you didn’t include her in this chat

reyna for president added double dare ya to the conversation “Seven Reunion Chat”

double dare ya: GIRL  
reyna for president: Girl you know I gotchu  
double dare ya: <3  
reyna for president: <3  
superboy: did we miss something when Rachel went off to new Rome  
because poseidon: SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE  
fire at will: lmao hey rach welcome to the Outsiders  
don’t you forget about me: Can I come too? All I did was stand on an island  
fire at will: yeah girl  
fire at will: we’ll have our own team  
double dare ya: with blackjack and hookers  
don’t you forget about me: ?  
fire at will: I keep forgetting she doesn’t know memes  
lance: ikr isn’t it cute  
because poseidon: Well as long as we’re adding random people to this chat

because poseidon added candy kane and bubblegum b!tch to the conversation “Seven Reunion Chat”

candy kane: Thank you, Percy. So nice to be thought of as a ‘random person.’  
bubblegum b!tch: lmao shut up carter. hi dad!!!!!  
because poseidon: hi Sadie  
hadrian’s girl: Hi Sadie!!:)  
bubblegum b!tch: HI MOM!!!!!  
candy kane: Please stop with the Mom & Dad thing…  
bubblebgum b!tch: no  
because poseidon: no  
hadrian’s girl: No  
queen of love and beauty: Sadie I hope you know one day you’re getting a brother named Hadrian  
bubblegum b!tch: better than carter  
candy kane: BOY IF YOU DON’T-  
lance: hey hey hey who said we could add our Egyptian friends to the party and didn’t tell me

lance added zebra to the conversation “Seven Reunion Chat”

zebra: What is this  
candy kane: Who Are YOU and HOW do you kNOW my GIrlfRIEnd  
zebra: Oh, hi lion  
lance: hi zebra  
zebra: I didn’t recognise you I thought you were juan?  
lance: I changed it for Voltron  
zebra: Ah, the one with the mechanical lions  
candy kane: WHAT IS GOING ON???????  
lance: listen buddy when two people are elementally inclined to fire they naturally become bffs  
lance: which is why we don’t hang out with percy  
because poseidon: HEY  
keith: Even though Lance has water powers and Keith has fire powers….  
lance: ok technically keith only has a flamethrower he can’t PRODUCE fire like me and zia  
lance: and lance only shoots an ice gun  
lance: can percy do that???  
because poseidon: honestly I’ve never tried  
candy kane: Percy, how will you ever learn the extent of your powers if you don’t test new things  
hadrian’s girl: see that’s what I say  
keith: Hey wait when did we start adding Egyptians?

keith added waltubis to the conversation “Seven Reunion Chat”

fire at will: ANOTHER BOY I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT???  
bubblegum b!tch: no. get off  
waltubis: Rude  
bubblegum b!tch: change your name then come talk to me  
keith: Hey  
waltubis: Hey mini-me  
keith: What have I told you about calling me that??  
queen of love and beauty: ok I knew Carter and Sadie but I need introductions here  
candy kane: Ok so Zia is my girlfriend also apparently this guy named Leo’s best friend  
zebra: Hi  
superboy: Leo I’m so hurt I thought I was your best friend  
lance: sorry zia kicked you out she’s 10000x cooler than you  
don’t you forget about me: Hello Zia! I’m Calypso, Leo’s gf (is that how you shorten girlfriend?) We should meet sometime!  
zebra: Oh, yes, nice to meet you  
zebra: You’re the one he never shuts up about  
lance: zebra STOP  
zebra: :)  
waltubis: and I’m sadie’s bf  
waltubis: two bf’s technically  
bubblegum b!tch: stop. get out  
queen of love and beauty: Why do you hate his name so much?  
bubblegum b!tch: it sounds like a ship name  
waltubis: well  
waltubis: if the shoe fits  
bubblegum b!tch: -violent flashbacks to the time i was photoshopped off my own romance novel cover-  
hadrian’s girl: Percy. Can you believe Sadie, our own daughter, invented the OT3?  
because poseidon: so proud. so blessed. so moved  
bubblegum b!tch: can you believe I was betrayed by my own father  
waltubis: Nice to meet you Sadie’s parents, I already met the dead ones  
lance: this conversation is a hot mess

lance renamed the conversation “hot mess”

because poseidon: I had such pure intentions when I started this  
double dare ya: Honestly I’m just so glad to be included  
fire at will: get me off this ride

fire at will left the conversation “hot mess”

double dare ya added fire at will to the conversation “hot mess”

double dare ya: get back here  
fire at will: FUCK  
hadrian’s girl: listen….I don’t mean to be the bad influence  
hadrian’s girl: but let’s make this even hotter and messier  
because poseidon: wait NO

hadrian’s girl added mango, who’s flying the plane, a.f.a.f, sharp dressed dwarf, and listen bitch to the conversation “hot mess”

mango: percy, so glad you’re happy to see me  
because poseidon: GO AWAY  
keith: Ah, you must be the famous Annabeth’s Dead Cousin  
mango: hi  
waltubis: Nice to meet you, dead! I am also dead  
waltubis: well technically not yet never mind I take that back  
who’s flying the plane: Annabeth how could you betray me like this, I have homework  
hadrian’s girl: so do I. Face it, this is more fun  
sharp dressed dwarf: Hearth we were included in the Young Ones shenanigans  
listen bitch: I feel so loved and wanted  
because poseidon: HEARTH, YOUR NAME  
listen bitch: it’s Ironic  
because poseidon: Annabeth you’re forgiven bc hearth is my favourite person in the nine realms  
queen of love and beauty: ouch your girlfriend is right there  
hadrian’s girl: no its ok he’s my favourite too  
listen bitch: :))):)  
hadrian’s girl: :)))  
because poseidon: :)))));)  
gem and the holograms: If it matters I was dead once  
lance: lmfao welcome back to the conversation  
gem and the holograms: You all type so fast!! I can’t get a word in edgewise  
double dare ya: that’s why I just sit back and let it unfold  
fire at will: and re-add people when they try to escape  
a.f.a.f.: Yo wtf’s going on in here?  
hadrians’ girl: hey future cousin-in-law  
a.f.a.f.: literally get off I’m dead  
because poseidon: hi alex what are you today  
because poseidon: *HOW!!!! HOW ARE YOU!!!  
because poseidon ANNABETH THIS IS THE AUTOCORRECTS FAULT  
a.f.a.f.: lol it’s ok  
a.f.a.f.: m today  
superboy: ???  
a.f.a.f.: I’m genderfluid the m and f switches sometimes  
superboy: Oh! cool  
queen of love and beauty: welcome to the shitshow  
lance: *hot mess, excuse you

queen of love and beauty renamed the conversation “shitshow”

lance: CAN YOU BELIEVE I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS  
fire at will: Nico is poking me he wants to know what afaf meant by genderfluid  
keith: HEY  
a.f.a.f.: Nah it’s cool  
a.f.a.f.: I don’t mind explaining  
a.f.a.f.: basically I’m transgender mtf (born boy but girl where it matters) so like I’m a girl most of the time but some days is like, “no you’re a boy” like today  
keith: oh. You can do that?  
queen of love and beauty: lmao  
fire at will: Nico…...welcome to the fuuuuuture  
lance: where everything is chrome  
mango: c c h r o m e ? ? ?  
a.f.a.f.: in vaLHALLA  
mango: WHERE WE RIDE ETERNAL  
a.f.a.f: SHINY AND CHROME  
bubblegum b!tch: I was going to ask what a.f.a.f. stood for but now I’m too scared  
a.f.a.f.: that’s me. Alex Fierro As Fuck  
listen bitch: !!!!!!! Love it  
mango: did you know when I first saw Alex’s pottery and he had AF carved on the bottom I literally thought it stood for As Fuck  
marianas trash: It’s very nice to meet you all but Percy why did you have such a violent reaction to them?  
marianas trash: you seem to really like them  
because poseidon: no I do they’re great  
sharp dressed dwarf: you’re ok  
because poseidon: well blitz is cancelled but the rest are great  
bubblegum b!tch: see carter that’s how you do it  
candy kane: Sadie I swear to Horus if you don’t shut the fuck up---  
because poseidon: it’s just that I was introduced to all of them when Annabeth made me go help them on a quest to save the world from imminent destruction  
because poseidon: and honestly I’m so Tired I don’t want anything more to do with quests to save the world  
keith: Oh well in that case there’s one more person we should add  
fire at will: Nico no. I love you. Please don’t  
because poseidon: (softly) don’t  
candy kane: Who are you talking about?  
zebra: I don’t know but I want to find out  
lance: no I had to spend a whole day flying on festus with him  
don’t you forget about me: Oh, no. Not him. Please, anything but that  
because poseidon: listen we’re safe there’s only one person who would DARE add him  
double dare ya: idk Percy my name is literally making me do it  
because poseidon: no no no NO NO NO

double dare ya added you’re welcome to the conversation “shitstorm”

double dare ya: sorry  
you’re welcome: Greetings, weary mortals! It is I, Apollo, God of the Sun, here to shine brightly upon this dull conversation and make it as fun and interesting as me!

because poseidon changed his name to why


	2. valar morghulis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> every site I go on seems to mess with my formatting. I had all the names bolded but for whatever reason it didn't translate over? I'm not used to working in HTML format does anyone know why it won't keep what you have bolded in ms word, and also is it ok to read like this?
> 
> they talk about Game of Thrones in this chapter a lot so if you don't watch the show or read the books you might not get it, but I think its still funny! (names aren't staying changed don't worry)

>> “shitstorm”

hadrian’s girl: you know I actually never asked if Valhalla got wifi  
mango: yeah we do it was a gift from thor  
a.f.a.f: technically it was a gift from Sif  
mango: his hammer gets it so she just like hooked it up to the hotel or something  
mango: the password is ‘password’  
why: Thor sounds like my kinda guy  
a.f.a.f.: he’s the kinda guy that has 12345 as the combination on his luggage  
superboy: I UNDERSTOOD THAT REFERENCE  
marianas trash: Percy are you really not going to change your name back?  
why: not as long as he’s still here  
you’re welcome: Perseus, young man, I am hurt by your behaviour! I practically taught you everything you know!  
why: leave  
listen bitch: Are you actually a sun god?  
you’re welcome: Indeed I am! The great Apollo, otherwise known as Phoebus Apollo to the Romans  
zebra: Fascinating  
candy kane: stay away from him  
you’re welcome: Miss Zebra, why is the candy kane demanding you stay away from me?  
candy kane: The last time we had an encounter with a sun god it didn’t go so well  
bubblegum b!tch: what he means by that is zia became the host for ra and carter didn’t like it one bit  
waltubis: Yeah not like you  
waltubis: you’re so open and understanding there’s no way you’d run away and leave me brokenhearted  
bubblegum b!tch: :T  
marianas trash: I’m sorry I have to interrupt but you really need to explain this to me, waltubis are you actually two people??  
waltubis: I am both Walt Stone and the god Anubis inhabiting one body. To quote a good lion king movie, We Are One  
waltubis: if it makes it easier think of it like a gem fusion  
lance: suddenly everything makes sense  
queen of love and beauty: Aw yeah man I fricking love Steven Universe!!!!!  
gem and the holograms: I don’t  
marianas trash: hwat  
waltubis: I know it’s so scientifically inaccurate  
gem and the holograms: Right??!! like ruby and sapphire are both just colour variants of corundum they’re the same gem!!!  
waltubis: and why would they fuse together to form garnet? Garnet has a completely different chemical composition not to mention it’s a 7 on moh’s hardness scale and corundum is a 9  
gem and the holograms: EXACTLY! Two stronger gems shouldn’t fuse together to form a weaker one!  
queen of love and beauty: honestly you guys what the fuck  
mango: I have just discovered you can piss off gemstone enthusiasts by bringing up su  
mango: I feel like this information will be useful one day  
why: scientific accuracy aside I now completely understand what waltubis is  
waltubis: idk why y’all have such a hard time with it  
you’re welcome: Did I read that right? The god Anubis? We have another god in our midst! Fantastic!  
keith: you aren’t even a god anymore  
you’re welcome: Careful or I won’t let you date my son  
keith: ??????like you could stop us  
lance: yoooo Nico’s channeling his username cause Apollo just got BURNED  
why: Nico I……am so proud  
you’re welcome: Speaking of where is my beloved son? He won’t talk to me!  
double dare ya: he’s embarrassed that you’re here  
you’re welcome: Will! Is that true?  
fire at will: im not answering that  
lance: he’s actually blushing so hard from what nico said before  
queen of love and beauty: this relationship is so pure and beautiful  
reyna for president: otp  
candy kane: Why is he embarrassed though? Sadie calls those two Mom & Dad  
why: no it’s not like a fun meme parent that’s his actual father  
fire at will: I am the sun of the son god  
fire at will: shIT I MEAN OTHER WAY AROUND  
superboy: THE SON GOD  
queen of love and beauty: Jason change that to his official title you’re a high priest  
double dare ya: ok I gotta ask Piper bc this is driving me nuts why are you called ‘queen of love and beauty’? seems like you’d hate it  
queen of love and beauty: uggghhhgh you don’t GET IT  
sharp dressed dwarf: It’s a Game of Thrones thing  
sharp dressed dwarf: *song of ice and fire thing technically I guess  
queen of love and beauty: :D   
queen of love and beauty: who are you and how did you know???  
mango: blitz when did you have time to get knowledgeable about game of thrones? thor didn’t make you watch it did he  
sharp dressed dwarf: No, when Hearth and I were under house arrest it was one of the only shows streaming so we binged it  
listen bitch: Ah yes, house arrest  
listen bitch: You mean the time I predicted you were gonna get stabbed and you said “lol nah I won’t get stabbed” and then YOU GOT STABBED  
mango: “what are you gonna do, stab me?” – quote from dwarf stabbed  
sharp dressed dwarf: Technically Hearth’s runes only said ‘bleed out’  
why: oh like that’s so much better  
why: also how did I not hear this story  
queen of love and beauty: Can we get back to talking about my new best friend who understood my username  
sharp dressed dwarf: good show, Great fashion  
queen of love and beauty: especially those Tyrells mmmmmm  
sharp dressed dwarf: except for Queen Marge’s cone of shame dress  
queen of love and beauty: aaaaAAAAH I FORGOT ABOUT THE CONE OF SHAME DRESS LMAO  
mango: Should’ve known you’d be in it for the fashion blitz  
listen bitch: He downplays it  
listen bitch: Project Runway wasn’t streaming so he made his own version by making updated modern ‘looks’ for all the great houses  
listen bitch: there were sketches all over the bedroom for weeks  
sharp dressed dwarf: Hey, they were good af  
a.f.a.f: someone say my name??

why >> mango

why: yo  
mango: oh shit fam why we whispering  
why: I know I asked this already but are blitz and hearth a couple?? like seriously for real  
mango: I still don’t know man  
mango: the mystery goes on  
why: like I wanna call them my otp but I don’t wanna make them uncomfortable if they aren’t  
mango: listen….I have been feeling this same pain for two years

>> “shitstorm”

sharp dressed dwarf: hey queen of love and beauty I could make you a crown of blue winter roses  
sharp dressed dwarf: if you wanted  
queen of love and beauty: seriously??? Dude that would be…..so amazing  
sharp dressed dwarf: listen I am a master craftsman of pioneering fashion of course I can do it  
mango: Also he’s the son of Freya and as Vanir-spawn, flower crowns are right up our alley  
hadrian’s girl: say that when you actually wear a flower crown, you ain’t no true Coachella ho  
queen of love and beauty: Freya? goddess of love and beauty?  
sharp dressed dwarf: yup that’s her  
queen of love and beauty: oh my mom’s Aphrodite  
sharp dressed dwarf: oOOH  
queen of love and beauty: suddenly our instant bond makes so much sense  
sharp dressed dwarf: We are siblings in spirit  
superboy: Piper hates fashion though  
sharp dressed dwarf: anD THE SISTERHOOD IS CANCELLED  
queen of love and beauty: No I don’t hate it I just….  
sharp dressed dwarf: nah don’t sweat it I got it, with a mom like Aphrodite you must have to put up with so much shit  
queen of love and beauty: my gods, he Gets It  
candy kane: could you imagine if we were children of gods instead of just channeling their powers  
bubblegum b!tch: blood in the streets  
hadrian’s girl: I thought your dad was Osiris?  
candy kane: No, our dad did a gem fusion with Osiris  
bubblegum b!tch: yeah and my other dad did a gem fusion with a vulture goddess  
why: stop reminding me  
marianas trash: With every bit of this conversation Percy is slowly becoming his username  
superboy: the embodiment of the emotion “why?”  
keith: of course as previously stated Apollo isn’t a god right now  
don’t you forget about me: That’s right, Zeus cast him out of Olympus as punishment and now he has to suffer being a mortal!  
lance: with acne and flab  
you’re welcome: Must you all recite my struggles for them all to see  
fire at will: yeah and he’s in the body of a kid my age it’s freaky af  
a.f.a.f.: stop SAYIN MY NAME  
mango: just fuckin change it to titus androgynous or something  
you’re welcome: I may be in a body your age but I still have more experience than you  
fire at will: BYE  
you’re welcome: wait NO I DID NOT MEAN IT LIKE THAT  
you’re welcome: WHY IS BEING A TEENAGER SO AWKWARD  
zebra: Maybe this is just because I like sun gods as a rule but I like him  
candy kane: nnnno  
gem and the holograms: I’ve seen Game of Thrones and I don’t remember anything about blue winter roses  
lance: HAZEL MY GODS KEEP UP  
queen of love and beauty: that’s cause none of yall hoes read the books  
why: that’s cause all us hoes have dyslexia  
hadrian’s girl: Percy I’ll buy you the audiobooks for your birthday  
why: <3  
sharp dressed dwarf: I read the books  
listen bitch: me too  
mango: me three  
keith: I wouldn’t go near them with a ten foot pole, the show and the books are gross  
fire at will: valar morghulis  
keith: valar dohaeris  
keith: DAMNIT  
fire at will: lmao gets him every time  
bubblegum b!tch: ANNND HERE COMES THE BF WITH THE RECEIPTS  
sharp dressed dwarf: WE SNATCHING WIGS UP IN HERE  
you’re welcome: I have also read the books!  
lance: my gods……KEEP UP  
waltubis: Look let’s all just agree that we all know game of thrones whether it be books or show  
reyna for president: Both fair and just, I approve  
waltubis: I don’t know who you are but I’d vote for you  
reyna for president: :)  
hadrian’s girl: Wait, even Calypso?  
don’t you forget about me: Of course, what do you think I do when I get tired of listening to Leo talk  
queen of love and beauty: S A V A G E  
superboy: I love you Leo but get rekt  
marianas trash: Leo’s ass is getting dragged and I’m honestly having such a good time right now  
lance: y’all are talking like I care but cal could step on my face and I’d say thank you  
candy kane: Yeah I read the books, too  
bubblegum b!tch: how are we even related   
lance: CAN NO ONE KE E E P U P  
reyna for president: Ok listen guys in honour of this conversation constantly getting swerved back to Game of Thrones lets all change our name to our faves  
why: my name is percy jackson and I approve this message

"why" changed his name to "jon snow"

superboy: Completely unsurprising  
candy kane: well…..he does know nothing  
jon snow: Listen when I’m sitting on the Iron Throne you’ll be begging my forgiveness

"marianas trash" changed his name to "robb stark"

robb stark: Hey bro  
jon snow: BRUH  
jon snow: We reuniting the Stark clan up in here

"bubblegum b!tch" changed her name to "arya stark"

arya stark: here we go  
jon snow: aw hella yeah  
candy kane: This’ll never work, good luck finding someone to be Bran

"keith" changed his name to "bran stark"

bran stark: You were saying?  
arya stark: BTFO  
jon snow: I was about to defend my baby brother but Nico saved me  
fire at will: you only like bran because you have a crush on isaac hempstead-wright  
bran stark: that is NOT……the only reason

"double dare ya" changed her name to "sansa stark"

sansa stark: Don’t forget me!!  
queen of love and beauty: here I was thinking you’d be Ygritte  
jon snow: first of all, ew  
sansa stark: DO NOT DARE COME AFTER MY GIRL SANSA  
queen of love and beauty: I wasn’t!! I like Sansa!!  
jon snow: second, DO NOT DARE COME AFTER MY GIRL SANSA  
jon snow: oh. sorry piper  
robb stark: I take it Percy gets a little defensive about his Starks  
jon snow: Look I love the Starks I would follow them all to the ends of the earth  
jon snow: I cried in the red wedding and I’m not even ashamed  
robb stark: Yeah me too  
candy kane: ok fine FINE but you’ll NEVER get anyone to be Rickon, like damn no one even knows him

"superboy" changed his name to "rickon stark"

jon snow: THIS BROMANCE CANNOT BE TORN APART  
rickon stark: if only I had my glasses, I could have zigzagged  
robb stark: !!!!!!!!  
queen of love and beauty: I’m in fits of laughter  
jon snow: Piper your username started us on this path of destruction you gotta go next  
listen bitch: She would be Lyanna Stark, right  
queen of love and beauty: ehm

"queen of love and beauty" changed her name to "marge tyrell"

marge tyrell: Sorry but I love her  
arya stark: she’s dead now though  
marge tyrell: ONLY IN THE SHOW  
sharp dressed dwarf: well in the case of my soul sister

"sharp dressed dwarf" changed his name to "loras"

loras: Flower siblings  
marge tyrell: Flower siblings!!!!

"listen bitch" changed his name to "renly"

renly: hi  
loras: HI BABE  
jon snow: @mango you have an answer yet  
mango: NO  
marge tyrell: It may have been my username but Reyna started this all, reyna get in on this  
reyna for president: ok ok hang on I’m in a senate meeting  
robb stark: There’s a senate meeting?

"reyna for president" changed her name to "brienne the beauty"

rickon stark: Also wholly unsurprising  
brienne the beauty: See Frank this is why we have co-praetorial problems  
robb stark: is it too late now to say sorry  
jon snow: I’m laughing bc now reyna has to be Hearth’s sworn shield  
brienne the beauty: I have never met Hearth but I would defend him with my last breath  
renly: <3  
mango: you can’t be renly, one of the dead people should be renly  
renly: I’m dead inside  
gem and the holograms: What’s going on?  
lance: did you give up on keeping up  
robb stark: We’re changing our names to our Game of Thrones heroes  
gem and the holograms: Oh!! Well in that case

"gem and the holograms" changed her name to "talisa’s not dead"

robb stark: <3  
jon snow: o.t.p.  
marge tyrell: JEYNE WESTERLING IS SO DISAPPOINTED IN YOU  
talisa’s not dead: I like the change in the show I like Talisa!!!  
talisa’s not dead: She’s played by Charlie Chaplin’s granddaughter I think that’s amazing!!  
rickon stark: Wait, really?  
bran stark: Really? that’s cool  
robb stark: Actually Hazel’s convinced Talisa didn’t die in the Red Wedding and is gonna show up at the end of the series to claim her rightful title as Queen in the North and take Cersei down  
jon snow: shit man that’s a damn good theory, subscribed  
marge tyrell: Yes, it works so well…….especially with Jeyne Westerling seeing as SHE’S STILL ALIVE  
bran stark: Solace, get in on this  
fire at will: no I don’t want to  
jon snow: do it do it do it  
rickon stark: Change it to Jojen Reed  
fire at will: I don’t wanna be made into paste thanks  
you’re welcome: Then you’d get eaten by Nico  
you’re welcome: GODS WHY DO THESE KEEP COMING OUT WRONG  
fire at will: I’m not doing it  
bran stark: Do it  
fire at will: !!!!!!!!!curse you

"fire at will" changed his name to "sexy jesus"

sexy jesus: fine, a man did it. are you happy now  
rickon stark: WILL WHAT ON EARTH  
arya stark: HEYO  
sexy jesus: nice to see a girl recognises him  
you’re welcome: No this is all wrong! You should be Dornish! Their symbol is a sun!

"you’re welcome" changed his name to "oberyn nymeros martell"

oberyn nymeros martell: See? That’s how it’s done!  
sexy jesus: I’m not changing my name to a fuckin sand snake  
marge tyrell: Will, they’re good in the books!!  
sexy jesus: I don’t care if they’re good in the books  
sexy jesus: I refused to be named for the bad poosays  
rickon stark: I’m still lost Will who are you, who is sexy jesus  
bran stark: He’s Jaqen H’gar  
rickon stark: oh  
rickon stark: OOOOHHH I GET IT  
rickon stark: thanks Nico  
brienne the beauty: Annabeth how come you haven’t done it yet?!  
jon snow: Annabeth get in here  
jon snow: hang on she’s doing homework again  
hadrian’s girl: whAT is going on  
brienne the beauty: change your name to your Game of Thrones hero  
hadrian’s girl: oh

"hadrian’s girl" changed her name to "bran the builder"

jon snow: ANNANBETH  
marge tyrell: A N N A B E T H  
brienne the beauty: absolutely legendary  
bran the builder: Have you guys seen this great video about the engineering of The Wall?

"bran the builder" sent a link

jon snow: Annabeth you monster  
marge tyrell: Annabeth nothing about a fantasy series should be titled “ A Fan’s Primer on Combat Engineering”  
lance: this is actually fascinating  
bran the builder: Right???? follow me down the rabbit hole I’ll show you how the whole series is actually science fiction  
candy kane: this was a mistake  
arya stark: carter!!!! fuckin get on it change your name  
candy kane: young lady you watch your mouth  
arya stark: YOUR NOT MY REAL DAD

"candy kane" changed his name to "arianne queenmaker"

arya stark:….i am silenced  
jon snow: Who tf??  
marge tyrell: Wow someone who’s actually read the books  
oberyn nymeros martell: Finally!! Another Dornishman!!  
arianne queenmaker: You said hero, right?  
marge tyrell: And on this day, a straight boy named his Game of Thrones hero as a feminist multi-faceted well-rounded sexually independent woman  
marge tyrell: Historical™  
arya stark: carter if I ever say anything bad about you ever again remind me of this moment  
arianne queenmaker: I’ll keep that in mind  
jon snow: ok waltubis, zebra, get in on this  
zebra: We were chatting but Sadie’s not going to be very happy with us  
arianne queenmaker: All the more reason to do it tbh  
arya stark: carter we have a good thing going here don’t ruin it

"zebra" changed her name to "the waif"

arya stark: LITERALLY HOW. WHY  
lance: what the fucks  
the waif: I was impressed by that Terminator run  
arya stark: you just have it out for me that’s it, isn’t it

"waltubis" changed his name to "DEATH"

DEATH: there is only one god  
arya stark: NOT TODAY,,,BITCH  
marge tyrell: Is that everyone?  
sansa stark: Calypso hasn’t done it yet  
don’t you forget about me: I know I’ve been thinking  
don’t you forget about me: I have a love but he might get roasted I don’t think many people like him  
lance: just do it  
jon snow: (shia voice) DO IT!!! JUST!!! D O I T!!!

"don’t you forget about me" changed her name to "theon"

jon snow: I take it back  
marge tyrell: I try to keep an open mind but why  
theon: I LIKE THEON  
theon: The poor boy just wants to be wanted he’s a tortured soul and I just want to hold him and his eyes have so much pain and he just reminds me of the kind of heroes that washed up on my beach okay?? OKAY??  
jon snow: ok please chill  
lance: that’s my girl  
sansa stark: Stand up for your faves no matter how problematic  
sansa stark: Percy we can’t call ourselves the #1 members of the Sansa Stark Protection Squad™ if we can’t respect other people’s faves  
jon snow: You are correct and I have learned something new today  
bran the builder: Everyone’s done it now but my cousin and company  
mango: get ready for this

"mango" changed his name to "jaime fuckin lannister"

jaime fuckin lannister: boom, baby  
marge tyrell: Can we all please admit we read that in Bronn’s voice  
renly: I didn’t  
jon snow: jesussss hearth  
marge tyrell: I CAN’T BELIEVE I WAS SO RUDE TO MY BEARDED HUSBAND  
renly: You’re forgiven :)  
bran the builder: Magnus how could you betray our family like this you lannister scum  
jaime fuckin lannister: Annabeth…….you love the lannisters  
bran the builder: oh  
bran the builder: shit u rite  
jon snow: Actually can confirm I was expecting her to be Tyrion or Twyin  
bran the builder: architecture is my first love above all else, even scheming blondes and green eyes  
marge tyrell: yo that was actually deep and poetic  
jaime fuckin lannister: Sam you gotta get in on this  
bran the builder: she’s probably also doing homework  
bran the builder: SAMIRAH  
who’s flying the plane: I’m not doing it  
sexy jesus: that’s what I said and now look at me  
loras: Have you been reading along this whole time?  
who’s flying the plane: yes Blitz. I get a notification every time a new message comes up and if half of you weren’t already dead I’d be coming to strangle you  
jaime fuckin lannister: just do it and we’ll leave you alone

"who’s flying the plane" changed her name to "sam"

sam: bye  
jaime fuckin lannister: listen I can’t see your face but I know it’s smug  
the waif: Did I just witness a roast?  
arya stark: I keep forgetting you changed your name to my mortal enemy  
arya stark: honestly watch out for your face  
marge tyrell: Who’s left? anyone??  
talisa’s not dead: Leo  
bran stark: he’s been typing something for the last twenty minutes idk what he’s doing though  
jaime fuckin lannister: Alex is left too  
bran the builder: summon him  
jaime fuckin lannister: this chat is shitstorm af  
a.f.a.f.: WHO SUMMONS ME  
jaime fuckin lannister: alex scroll up  
a.f.a.f.: oh  
a.f.a.f.: OH

"a.f.a.f." changed his name to "cleganebowl"

cleganebowl: ah dammit I meant to change it from m back to f earlier  
jaime fuckin lannister: ALEX YOU ABSOLUTE MADMAN  
arya stark: YOU ABSOLUTE LEDGE  
cleganebowl: lllllets gET READY TO RUMBLE  
cleganebowl: And no one is named tommen so I can’t be cancelled  
arianne queenmaker: Actually I’m surprised no one went as Joffrey just for a laugh  
sexy jesus: shit that was a good idea  
rickon stark: Unless Leo does it, he’d pull that kind of shit  
jon snow: leo get in here so we can get this chat back to normal I have no idea who anyone is anymore  
bran stark: uh-oh he just started laughing  
sexy jesus: he’s really cackling like his head is nearly on fire  
bran stark: I feel like we need to brace ourselves

"lance" changed his name to "Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First Of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons"

jon snow: FUCK  
robb stark: honestly how did we not see this coming  
rickon stark: LEO, NO  
Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, First Of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons: hi  
sexy jesus: i’m going back to texas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a gemstone enthusiast and you can in fact piss me off by talking about steven universe
> 
> The video Annabeth linked is real, it's by AnAmericanThinks on youtube, and if you like asoiaf conspiracy theories then jam on that tinfoil hat and follow me down the rabbit hole


	3. #EXPOSED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Humour gets a little raunchy in this one because I have a raunchy sense of humour...if you don't like sex jokes watch out

>> “shitstorm”

queen of love and beauty: Blitz thank you for the crown of blue winter roses!! It’s beautiful  
sharp dressed dwarf: Honestly, you are so welcome  
listen bitch: he’s so proud of it :’)  
superboy: She looks so pretty in it!  
queen of love and beauty: excuse you try again  
superboy: Correction, she looks like a boss ass bitch  
queen of love and beauty: better  
gem and the holograms: Guys should I change my name to boss ass witch?  
why: Please don’t I’m only just remembering people’s names now  
keith: Will has to change his name  
fire at will: I keep telling you if you think of a better one let me know!!!  
fire at will: I can’t be Lance, Leo stole it  
lance: ayo ;)  
keith: Someone who doesn’t understand the beauty of Voltron doesn’t get to name himself Lance  
fire at will: it’s about mechanical lion ships that turn into a giant robot i just don’t???? see???? the appeal????  
lance: the appeal is in klance and princess allura  
keith: ^^^^^^  
lance: and shiro’s arms  
keith: ^^^^^^^^^^!!!!!!!  
why: is this the part where we start questioning Leo’s sexuality  
lance: I stopped questioning that a long time ago lmao  
don’t you forget about me: I think the concept of labelled sexualities is silly, I think you just like who you like  
waltubis: agree  
you’re welcome: Yes, I think trying to border yourself into some preconceived mortal notion is messy and unnecessary  
queen of love and beauty: Keep in mind all you are/were immortal in some way, so your judgement might be skewed  
marianas trash: That’s a good point, I think gods probably don’t do the labels thing  
keith: Well, I’m human but I don’t like labels much either  
a.f.a.f.: I have to respectfully disagree, I like labels  
a.f.a.f.: Being able to tell people what I am makes me less edgy  
mango: alex 2 edgy 4 this  
sharp dressed dwarf: This is not the time for memes magnus  
listen bitch: I suppose labels vary from person to person, if they make you happy you should wear them proudly, but if not then you shouldn’t be forced to pick or use them  
queen of love and beauty: Beautifully said, Hearth!  
candy kane: I was staying out of this for fear it would dissolve into an angry loud mess but you guys handled that with so much grace  
superboy: Obviously that’s because of me~  
why: you missed the whole convo  
waltubis: Carter I’m disappointed you think so little of us  
waltubis: We’re mature  
candy kane: probably because Sadie’s not here  
reyna for president: Hi guys what did I miss  
reyna for president: oh WOW deep  
reyna for president: Also Frank you missed another senate meeting  
marianas trash: S O R R Y  
superboy: What about you Reyna? Where do you weigh in on labels & sexuality?  
reyna for president: bitch I already have a label Piper’s mom gave it to me  
reyna for president: No Demigods  
double dare ya: you know who’s not a demigod  
you’re welcome: You know who’s not a demigod ;)  
reyna for president: both of you go home  
bubblegum b!tch: if we’re talking about sexualities then shouldn’t I, queen and inventor of the OT3, be mentioned?  
bubblegum b!tch: oh wait carter did  
bubblegum b!tch: OI M8  
double dare ya: I’m kind of surprised me reyna and Apollo are the only single people in this chat  
double dare ya: considering we’re the hottest  
mango: Hello???i am single too wtf  
double dare ya: oh I forgot yall existed lmfao  
zebra: Leo remember when you were single and you used to hide your feelings of inadequacy by singing 99 problems  
why: he did wHAT  
zebra: “If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you son!! I got….I got 99 problems…b-but a bitch…aint one” and then he erupted into sobbing  
don’t you forget about me: I don’t know whether to laugh or cry  
lance: I just have a heart full of love and it isn’t meant to be bottled up  
don’t you forget about me: <3 I knew I left an immortal island for you for a reason  
lance: <3  
marianas trash: Percy you shouldn’t be judging, Hazel and I were there when you were separated from Annabeth  
gem and the holograms: Oh yeah remember that baha  
marianas trash: “oh I miss my girlfriend so much let me just PUNCH A WALL”  
gem and the holograms: (sad kazoo noises) neeear, faaaar, whereeeever you are  
why: I will fly all the way to New Rome just to duct tape your mouths shut  
superboy: Percy that’s so cute  
why: LEAVE ME ALONE  
hadrian’s girl: It’s such a good thing Grover isn’t here he’d be #exposing me so fast  
fire at will: Did you forget I was also there that year  
hadrian’s girl: oh shit NOOO  
queen of love and beauty: Wait what year???  
hadrian’s girl: Will I beg of you please no  
hadrian’s girl: aren’t we friends  
why: Please Will I need to hear this  
fire at will: ok so remember that year before the Titan War when Annabeth thought Percy liked Rachel and also that whole Calypso #fiasco  
don’t you forget about me: Oops  
double dare ya: Those were dark times solace  
fire at will: Anyway Annabeth spent basically the whole year singing Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me” really loudly and angrily  
fire at will: Malcolm managed to tape it once but she broke his phone  
why: ANNABETH W H A T  
mango: I can’t believe I’m even related to you  
hadrian’s girl: Will you are SO dead  
bubblegum b!tch: I can’t believe my mom is getting #exposed like this  
keith: Annabeth you should have told me I would have joined you  
queen of love and beauty: OMF  
superboy: Nico, tell me you would never sing Taylor Swift  
keith: I don’t know Reyna should we tell them about Albania?  
reyna for president: Nico you swore to me what happened in Albania would stay in Albania  
marianas trash: I am so desperate to know  
why: I’m still hung up on the fact that Annabeth sang about me  
fire at will: Yeah she used to jump all around the Athena cabin going “CANT YOU SEE THAT IM THE ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS YOU BEEN HERE ALL ALONG SO WHY CANT YOU SEEEEEEE”  
why: I never even knew  
hadrian’s girl: Yeah well you were a dumbass at that point in time so  
double dare ya: lmao yeah you were  
keith: Yep  
don’t you forget about me: Was there, can confirm  
bubblegum b!tch: Guys….have you all forgotten I am Carter Kane’s sister  
bubblegum b!tch: the STORIES  
candy kane: Don’t you even come at me Sadie Kane I can tell them stories that you would never live down  
bubblegum b!tch: psht yeah like what  
candy kane:…..Hello  
candy kane: It’s me  
bubblegum b!tch: ok STOP  
waltubis: oh yeah I remember “we could have had it AAAAAAAAALL”  
queen of love and beauty: omfl you are such an adele Hoe  
bubblegum b!tch: STOP #EXPOSING ME  
bubblegum b!tch: Annabeth’s dead cousin help me out here pivot this away from me  
mango: Idk if we have any embarrassing stories  
mango: Like Sam blushes when you mention Amir but?? they’re also engaged so  
bubblegum b!tch: excuse me you are ENGAGED???  
who’s flying the plane: Yes, I am  
who’s flying the plane: We’re getting married when I turn 18  
reyna for president: Literally what would I give to have a marriage just set up and ready for me  
you’re welcome: The stress would just……lift off my shoulders  
reyna for president: You wouldn’t have to worry about your acne anymore!  
you’re welcome: Exactly!!  
you’re welcome: WAIT  
queen of love and beauty: Aww I ship it  
double dare ya: EXCUSE, WHAT ABOUT ME  
why: Piper you can’t just ship people if they aren’t together  
why: unless @mango has an answer for me yet  
mango: oh my frey would you just leave off I will TELL YOU when I know for sure  
hadrian’s girl: Magnus….did you just say “oh my dad”  
a.f.a.f.: this is verging on dangerous territory  
mango: where the FUCK did you come from  
a.f.a.f.: I been here the whole time. lurking. watching  
mango: I thought that was Sam’s job  
who’s flying the plane: I’m trying to ignore this stop bringing me in  
who’s flying the plane: I HAVE ALGEBRA HOMEWORK. IT. IS. DIFFICULT  
why: I meant to ask this last week, Sam why are you named that?  
who’s flying the plane: Because if Magnus is gay and Alex is gay and Blitz is gay and Hearth is gay then who’s flying the plane????  
who’s flying the plane: Answer: Sam. It’s always Sam.  
hadrian’s girl: fuck im dead  
queen of love and beauty: IM LAUGHING SO HARD I CANT BREATHE  
reyna for president: Where did Blitz and Hearth go anyway? I miss my sworn shield  
mango: They’re at work lmao they’re grown ups with real jobs and responsibilities  
who’s flying the plane: You mean unlike your other friends with classes and responsibilities??  
a.f.a.f.: Just!!! turn it off if you don’t like us that much!!  
who’s flying the plane: I CAN’T I might get a text from Odin and have to go reap a soul!!  
keith: I just got an image of you dressed as a soul reaper from Bleach  
fire at will: babe…if you’re gonna reference anime….please reference the good ones  
mango: Sam you’re such a superhero with your civilian disguise  
a.f.a.f.: Go as Kamala Khan next Halloween  
who’s flying the plane: Only if you go as Kid Loki  
a.f.a.f.: fuck off  
who’s flying the plane: Thought so :)  
mango: Sam you and your smug sass needs to stop  
why: I don’t like this painting mango  
why: its smug aura mocks me  
you’re welcome: I’m sorry I still can’t get over the fact that someone is ENGAGED. You are so lucky, mortal, you can’t even understand!  
who’s flying the plane: Oh, I understand, don’t you worry  
lance: Apollo eventually you’ll get used to the single life  
lance: I had to live with it for 15 years  
hadrian’s girl: He needs a Taylor Swift song to jam to  
keith: I can send you Keith’s Pining Playlist  
lance: I CANT BELIEVE YOU’RE SO INTO THAT  
keith: I spent years pining it’s the most brilliant thing  
fire at will: :(:((( You shouldn’t like those songs anymore you have me  
lance: No Will you don’t understand they’re like…..  
keith: They’re really funny  
keith: Wait Apollo I found the one

"keith" sent a link

superboy: IS THAT FROM HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL???  
superboy: NICO, WHAT HAVE YOU BECOME  
lance: ITS FROM CAMP ROCK, JASON YOU PLEB  
you’re welcome: Oh I actually really like this!!  
you’re welcome: “You’re the voice I hear inside my head, the reason that I’m singing! I need to find you, I gotta find you!”  
lance: omg he likes it unironically  
fire at will: Dad you are……the most embarrassing person  
don’t you forget about me: I feel he’s going to start singing this when we fly on Festus  
you’re welcome: I’ll sing this from the top of the world!!! It’s amazing!!  
why: be aware your voice is probably going to crack  
you’re welcome: oh no  
candy kane: Hah! Welcome to our world, bitch  
superboy: Carter what kind of embarrassing songs did you used to sing  
candy kane: It’s not important  
zebra: Uptown Girl  
candy kane: ZIA!!!!!!!!!!!  
bubblegum b!tch: #exposed  
lance: LMAO CARTER WTF THAT’S NOT EVEN A PINING SONG  
fire at will: Hey nico any songs on that pining playlist for me? ;)  
keith: I didn’t pine for you  
keith: Sorry  
why: But you guys got together pretty fast though right? There wasn’t a lot of time for pining  
fire at will: uhm, right yeah  
keith: Will WAIT DID YOU PINE FOR ME????  
fire at will: well……  
keith: SOLACE  
superboy: Will for the love of gods tell us  
reyna for president: Our OTP hinges on this  
fire at will: yes ok I may have had a crush on nico since the battle of the labyrinth  
why: OH MY  
hadrian’s girl: WILL THAT WAS EVEN BEFORE I STARTED TAYLOR SWIFTING  
fire at will: i know. it’s been a while  
candy kane: Well now we have to know your pining song  
fire at will: BITCH, you don’t even know who we are  
mango: Even though Carter and I have never met you I think I speak for us both when I say we care about your relationship  
waltubis: I know who you are I gotta know the song  
gem and the holograms: Come on Will, tell us!! This is my brother!!  
hadrian’s girl: If I had to suffer humiliation so do you  
fire at will: HAH! Too bad none of you will ever know the song because unlike Annabeth I was smart enough to keep it secret  
you’re welcome: Sorry son I may not pay enough attention to my children’s lives but I do know when they sing in the shower  
fire at will: DAD NO

"you’re welcome" sent a link

keith: AAAAAAAHHH  
lance: WILL THAT’ S THE BEST  
reyna for president: Oh this is the cutest thing  
why: Holy carp will that’s so adorable  
keith: Were you really listening to this song and thinking of me??? For two years??  
fire at will: two and a half if we want to further my humiliation  
waltubis: I’VE BEEN LONELY, I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU  
bubblegum b!tch: I’M PRETENDING, AND THAT’S ALL I CAN DO  
queen of love and beauty: fuck I love Heart I’m already getting chills  
waltubis: THE LOVE I’M SENDING AIN’T MAKING IT THROUGH TO YOUR HEART  
a.f.a.f.: Shit even I love Heart  
mango: who would have known the greatest pining song ever would come to us through 80’s synth pop  
lance: YOU’VE BEEN HIDING, NEVER LETTING IT SHOW  
superboy: ALWAYS TRYING TO KEEP IT UNDER CONTROL  
superboy: Christ Will this is perfect  
reyna for president: YOU’VE GOT IT DOWN, AND YOU’RE WELL ON YOUR WAY TO THE TOP  
keith: but there’s SOMETHING THAT I FORGOT  
reyna for president: AAAAAAAAA  
superboy: AHHHHHHHHHH  
fire at will: WHAT ABOUT LOVE??  
fire at will: DON’T YOU WANT SOMEONE TO CARE ABOUT YOU  
superboy: WHAT ABOUT LOVE?  
reyna for president: DON’T LET IT SLIP AWAY  
keith: WHAT ABOUT LOVE?  
fire at will: I ONLY WAnna share it with you  
why: frick frack you two are the cutest thing  
who’s flying the plane: I’m getting diabetes just from reading these  
keith: Will I can’t believe  
keith: I was a blind man  
fire at will: <3 it’s ok you were distracted by percy at the time  
don’t you forget about me: Totally understandable, by the way  
lance: frick how many people in this chat have had a crush on percy at one point or another  
double dare ya: I believe the answer to that would be “so many”  
candy kane: Don’t include me on that list, the first time I met Percy I punched him  
why: Yep. he definitely knocked my socks off  
candy kane: AND I WON’T HESITATE TO DO IT AGAIN YOU PUN MONGERER  
lance: my anaconda don’t want none unless you got puns, hun  
bubblegum b!tch: oh my god, look at those puns  
mango: Did you actually punch him and knock his socks off??? Literally???  
mango: can we be best friends  
why: don’t lie carter you know you like my puns ;)  
bubblegum b!tch: AHHHH  
candy kane: I hope you know I screamed  
hadrian’s girl: Don’t worry Percy I like your puns ;)  
superboy: This was so pure with Will and Nico’s 80’s synth pop love ballad and now it’s devolving into a kinky mess  
queen of love and beauty: THERE WILL BE NO KINKSHAMING IN THIS CHAT  
lance: Piper are you just saying that because you have a really embarrassing kink  
a.f.a.f.: what if kinkshaming is my kink  
mango: memes are your kink  
queen of love and beauty: I’m saying that because we’re all children of gods who did some really weird shit back in the day. Kinkshaming doesn’t belong with demigods  
marianas trash: I think Leo’s the one with the embarrassing kink that’s why he’s turning this away from himself  
lance: YOU’RE THE ONE WITH A KINK  
marianas trash: Excuse you I am a wholesome Canadian  
gem and the holograms: Yeah but what would you do if I poured maple syrup on my skin  
reyna for president: HAZEL GO TO CHURCH  
marianas trash: a) Hazel pin that and we’ll get back to it later  
why: my otp is devolving into the sin bin  
marianas trash: b) Leo tell us your kink  
lance: fuck off  
gem and the holograms: Tell us we wanna know  
queen of love and beauty: This is a kinkshame-free zone *cough* Reyna  
lance: you’ll never get it from me  
don’t you forget about me: Bet I can make you say it, papi  
why: WHY  
superboy: OH MY FFFRICK  
reyna for president: AHHHHHHHHHH OH GOD  
queen of love and beauty: OK I KNOW I SAID KINKSHAME-FREE BUT  
keith: Guys Leo’s head is on fire and he threw his phone out the window what does ‘papi’ mean  
marianas trash: It’s Spanish for Daddy. Leo has a daddy kink oh my gods  
don’t you forget about me: ;)  
don’t you forget about me: I mean there’s a reason he calls me mamacita  
queen of love and beauty: I’M GONNA DRIVE INTO THE SUN  
queen of love and beauty: APOLLO GIVE ME YOUR CAR  
you’re welcome: Sorry I lost the keys  
keith: I feel kind of bad for him he’s like…convulsing  
fire at will: but that’s the worst kink of them all everyone knows that  
keith: Oh please, like you’re one to talk, Nurse Joy  
why: SCREAMS  
mango: WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK  
who’s flying the plane: Can this conversation stop I need to say my prayers

"superboy" changed the conversation to “say your prayers”

fire at will: WELL SINCE WE’RE ALL GOING IN THE SIN BIN  
fire at will: HEY NICO, HOW ABOUT A LITTLE LIVE ACTION ROLE PLAY  
keith: !!!!!!!!!SCREW YOU  
don’t you forget about me: Now all three of them are convulsing haha  
why: INTO THE SIN BIN WITH US ALL, HEY ANNABETH  
hadrian’s girl: WHAT  
why: 3.14159  
hadrian’s girl: MMMMMM TALK NERDY TO ME  
reyna for president: I need to douse my phone in holy water  
double dare ya: Who’s kink was kinkshaming?? you must be loving this  
a.f.a.f.: That’d be me  
a.f.a.f.: also that pottery scene from ghost  
mango: Alex THERE were THINGS ABOUT YOU that I DIDN’T NEED TO KNOW  
a.f.a.f.: DON’T LIE AND SAY YOU HAVEN’T IMAGINED IT  
queen of love and beauty: Jason tell me our love is wholesome and pure  
superboy: Don’t worry I’m a high priest  
superboy: If it wasn’t we’d probably start smoking or something  
why: Considering that your parents are Aphrodite and Zeus I think you two are the kinkiest of all  
hadrian’s girl: Nah they’re the Granola Couple  
why: FUCK THEY ARE  
hadrian’s girl: ‘Have you tried kale? It’s really good for you!” ‘Quinoa is a great protein substitute!’  
why: ‘Yeah this is a picture of our last date we went hiking up a mountain cause we’re so healthy’  
queen of love and beauty: These aren’t even kinks but I feel so #exposed  
candy kane: I want this entire conversation to end immediately  
zebra: Why are you worried I’ll tell them about the Thing  
candy kane: Oh fuck  
candy kane: I mean you may as well at this point  
candy kane: say it with me Zia  
zebra: THICK THIGHS SAVE LIVES  
candy kane: BUT THIGH HIGHS ARE MY DEMISE  
bubblegum b!tch: I need to pour acid into my eyes I can never unsee this  
waltubis: Hey do you have any kinks?  
bubblegum b!tch: IF I DO IM NOT POSTING THEM IN THIS DAMN CHAT  
bubblegum b!tch: MY PARENTS ARE HERE  
why: Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell  
hadrian’s girl: Mmm Yeah keep it going  
bubblegum b!tch: SO WHERE WERE THOSE KEYS TO DRIVE INTO THE SUN  
you’re welcome: I’m so glad everyone is laying their kinks out bare  
you’re welcome: I don’t feel so gross and old anymore  
zebra: I can already tell you have a praise kink  
you’re welcome: Oh, my dear Zebra  
you’re welcome: read the myths  
you’re welcome: that’s just the tip of the iceberg  
a.f.a.f.: Half this convo is either dead or just shouting their kinks out I am Living  
don’t you forget about me: I can’t believe I started this whole thing just by saying papi  
you’re welcome: haha Leo just screamed from across the camp  
mango: Technically Percy started it with his ‘puns’  
why: ;)  
don’t you forget about me: Oh yeah I forgot to ask what was that all about?  
mango: ‘puns’ is substitute for ‘buns’  
mango: Like his butt  
mango: Wait do you not know the song  
don’t you forget about me: No? What song?

"mango" sent a link

mango: Allow me to introduce you to Our Lord and Saviour, Queen of the Memes, Nicki Minaj  
don’t you forget about me:………Leo dear I think I have formed a new kink  
reyna for president: take me to church  
double dare ya: REYNA, KINKSHAME US ONE MORE TIME AND I’LL #EXPOSE YOU HARD  
reyna for president: Excuse you I am going to be President one day I don’t!! Have!! Any!! Kinks!!  
double dare ya: Fine  
double dare ya: Then why do you have a hard DVD copy of Twilight on your dresser  
bubblegum b!tch: #EXPOSED  
marianas trash: FRICK I JUST HEARD A WINDOW SHATTER IN THE SENATE HOUSE

"why" renamed the conversation “#EXPOSED”

why: AND INTO THE SIN BIN WITH US ALL

listen bitch: Hey, what did we miss at work?  
sharp dressed dwarf: Why is the chat renamed ‘#exposed?’  
who’s flying the plane: Listen to me both of you. Get out while you still can.  
why: scroll up  
listen bitch: oh.  
sharp dressed dwarf: OH. OH GODS  
listen bitch: RUN RUN RUN  
sharp dressed dwarf: AND WE’RE OUT

 

sharp dressed dwarf >> listen bitch

sharp dressed dwarf: so uh, hearth  
sharp dressed dwarf: do you have any kinks?  
listen bitch: come upstairs and find out ;)  
sharp dressed dwarf: dugbiLAh’OIgHDIABFA FRICK OK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "What About Love" by Heart is absolutely 1000000% the song Will Solace listened to whenever he thought about Nico pre-relationship, you're welcome


	4. the search for sane people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAHHH SO APPARENTLY THE REASON NO ONE POSTS CHATFICS ON FF.NET IS BECAUSE IT'S AGAINST THEIR STUPID RULES
> 
> I'M SO GLAD I CAME HERE AT LEAST NOW I HAVE A BACKUP

>> #EXPOSED

who’s flying the plane: Can we please change that? It’s been days  
marianas trash: We all needed to some time to cleanse ourselves  
why: Sam’s just mad she never got to shout out her kink and missed her chance  
who’s flying the plane: That’s literally the furthest thing from the truth  
lance: hey did anyone catch season 2 of Voltron  
candy kane: That came out months ago??  
lance: we were late  
keith: Remember when you got no character development  
lance: Remember when Lance literally referred to himself as a seventh wheel  
lance: i a s c e n d e d  
fire at will: they set it up on a big projector in Cabin 13 and everyone had to listen to them scream “I KNEW IT”  
keith: I TOLD YOU KEITH WAS GALRA  
keith: I’M FEELING THESE PARALELLS TO MY OWN LIFE SO GOOD   
don’t you forget about me: Oh yes I happened to overhear and I must ask who is ‘Kallura’ and why do you hate them so much?  
keith: how dare you say that name in this chat  
lance: The Holy Sanctity of Klance will not fall to The Straights  
fire at will: can you two fucking chill  
keith: no

"fire at will" changed his name to "kallura"

kallura: I’m gonna make you suffer  
keith: I WILL STRANGLE YOU, SOLACE  
why: kinky  
superboy: Percy we were being kinky in the last chat not this one  
double dare ya: Voltron is boring anyone watching Riverdale  
hadrian’s girl: YES  
reyna for president: YES  
a.f.a.f.: no  
hadrian’s girl: can you believe bughead is so good  
hadrian’s girl: I have been hardcore barchie since I was 5 look what this show has done to me  
double dare ya: lmao nothing about the characters are anything like the comics it’s cool  
reyna for president: Latina Veronica  
lance: ooh really?  
reyna for president: She’s…….so hot  
double dare ya: I think Cheryl and Veronica are just weird shadow-au versions of me and Reyna  
hadrian’s girl: can I be Betty  
reyna for president: #cheronica  
double dare ya: #beronica who? #don’t know her  
why: Halloween costumes I’ll be Jughead Annabeth be Betty  
double dare ya: CHERYL  
reyna for president: VERONICA  
gem and the holograms: Josie  
bubblegum b!tch: are we talking about Riverdale?  
bubblegum b!tch: VALERIE  
candy kane: Sadie yesterday you said everything the CW did was so dirty it gave you a bad case of acne  
bubblegum b!tch: im willing to suffer  
superboy: I’ll be Archie  
reyna for president: ew  
double dare ya: ew  
hadrian’s girl: ew  
gem and the holograms: ew  
why: ew, apparently  
superboy: Why on earth  
reyna for president: veronica/archie is a Thing and I don't think of you like that anymore  
marianas trash: can I get in on this Riverdale action  
why: Who are you callin  
marianas trash: there’s only one person I can be and that is Asian Dudebro Reggie  
reyna for president: Hey, at least the show is diverse enough that you can be somebody  
why: Ok resident gays we need a Kevin Keller  
kallura: You called?  
keith: YOU LITERALLY CANNOT CALL YOURSELF RESIDENT GAY IF YOUR NAME IS KALLURA  
kallura: I don’t even wanna be Kevin I wanna be Sabrina  
hadrian’s girl: Sabrina’s not in the show  
kallura: WHAT  
kallura: WHAT THE FUCK

"kallura" changed his name to "sabrina the teenage bitch"

sabrina the teenage bitch: fuck all y’all  
lance: lmao  
keith: Now I can stop having panic attacks whenever he speaks  
lance: You know, considering kallura represents the straight middle-aged overlords of the children’s TV networks erasing gay relationships from shows and replacing them with forced hetero ones I honestly don’t know if you’re joking  
superboy: You know what? I’m just going to be Kevin Keller  
zebra: I watched one CW show once, it was not a good experience  
reyna for president: let me guess, Reign?  
zebra: Honestly was it written by robots?  
reyna for president: Honestly probably  
listen bitch: Hey who stole Sabrina as a handle  
sabrina the teenage bitch: You’ll take this from me when I’m cold in my grave  
a.f.a.f.: Oh god are we still talking about Riverdale  
you’re welcome: What is Riverdale?  
why: AHHHH I THOUGHT HE WAS GONE  
hadrian’s girl: Have you ever wanted a dark, sexy Archie Comics? No? Well TOO BAD, CAUSE WE GAVE YOU ONE  
why: lmao you love it stop complaining  
hadrian’s girl: I do. it’s a drug I can’t quit  
a.f.a.f.: But they erased Jughead’s asexuality how can you support that  
mango: OHH, STICK IT ALEX  
mango: SUFFER, ANNABETH  
hadrian’s girl: Because, as Rachel said, the characters are so far distanced from their comic counterparts that they may as well be different characters altogether  
hadrian’s girl: Archie, for example, is literally the biggest douchewad in the whole world and we’re all waiting for him to die  
hadrian’s girl: and Cheryl and Jason were probably banging  
superboy: uhm  
hadrian’s girl: Hey I call the Lannisters like I see them  
a.f.a.f.: fair enough, fair enough  
candy kane: I have to say, Sadie showed me the clip of the (all-black btw) Pussycats doing ‘I Feel Love’ and I’m pretty feelin this show  
gem and the holograms: We need a Melody!  
bubblegum b!tch: we don’t have enough black friends  
waltubis: I’ll be Melody  
gem and the holograms: done deal!  
double dare ya: Do you guys ever think that we need more friends?  
who’s flying the plane: Yes. All the time. Without fail.  
queen of love and beauty: don’t add anyone until you change the chat name though

double dare ya changed the conversation to #cheronica lyfe

reyna for president: <3  
double dare ya: <3  
superboy: I really feel like we missed something  
hadrian’s girl: Calling all dead cousins you got any fresh meat?  
mango: No  
sharp dressed dwarf: What about the Floor 19 crew?  
a.f.a.f.: NO  
mango: NO  
why: Welcome home from work Blitz  
hadrian’s girl: Why not? Don’t you like them?  
mango: Oh we love them  
a.f.a.f.: But they have a Floor 19 Crew chat already going  
mango: it’s literally just them screaming the Hamilton soundtrack  
a.f.a.f.: they’ve been doing it for two months straight

>> “Floor 19 Crew”

tj maxx: YOU’LL BE BACK, SOON YOU’LL SEE  
cursing in gaelic: YOU’LL REMEMBER YOU BELONG TO ME  
tj maxx: YOU’LL BE BACK, TIME WILL TELL  
cursing in gaelic: YOU’LL REMEMBER THAT I SERVED YOU WELL  
bigfoot: OCEANS RISE, EMPIRES FALL  
bigfoot: WE HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER THROUGH IT ALL  
tj maxx: do you guys ever notice Alex and Magnus don’t participate anymore  
cursing in gaelic: they’re probably off snoggin somewhere  
bigfoot: too true  
tj maxx: lmao u rite, u rite  
tj maxx: AND WHEN PUSH COMES TO SHOVE  
bigfoot: I WILL SEND A FULLY ARMED BATALLION  
cursing in gaelic: TO REMIND YOU OF MY LOVE

>> “#cheronica lyfe”

mango: It got old really fast  
superboy: Hey where are Will and Nico? Haven’t seen my otp in a while  
lance: will’s off giving a really long and heartfelt apology to nico for his username  
why: aww  
hadrian’s girl: Will has a long history of overstepping his boundaries but he always apologises when he goes too far I love that boy  
candy kane: You talk like you’ve known him forever  
hadrian’s girl: I’ve known him since he was six  
why: Will’s been at camp that long?   
hadrian’s girl: Will was here before I got here  
reyna for president: Actually quite a few people are missing from this chat where did Calypso go?  
don’t you forget about me: Oh I’m still here  
don’t you forget about me: I’m trying to catch up on Riverdale so I know what all the yelling is about  
double dare ya: n i ce  
lance: Hey where are you?  
don’t you forget about me: Um at the Big House?  
lance: come down to the bunker i’ll watch them with you  
why: aww  
candy kane: Sometimes I feel like those two are the underrated otp of the Greeks  
lance: a-fucking-men to that my brother  
bubblegum b!tch: you only say that because we Egyptians are underrated in general  
lance: Listen Carter my guy, you and Zia are my otp  
candy kane: You and Calypso are my otp  
lance: bro?  
candy kane: bro  
why: we’ve been out-bro’d  
superboy: gotta step up our game  
who’s flying the plane: PLEASE add someone sane I can get along with  
superboy: aight hold up

"superboy" added "she’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll kick you in the face" to the conversation “#cheronica lyfe”

she’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll kick you in the face: FUCK YOU DOING ADDING ME TO SOME RIVERDALE SHIT  
she’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll kick you in the face: ERASING JUGHEADS ASEXULAITY I DON”T FUXKING THINK SO FUCK OUTTA HERE FUCK YOU MEAN BITCH DON’T EVEN COME NEAR ME WITH THAT BULL

"she’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll kick you in the face" has left the conversation “#cheronica lyfe”

why: I mean that just sort of happened to us we didn’t even participate  
superboy: Hi Thalia Bye Thalia  
mango: Is she always like that?  
hadrian’s girl: basically yeah  
mango: cool  
who’s flying the plane: I meant adding some SANER people to this hellstew??

"why" changed the conversation name to “hellstew”

who’s flying the plane: thanks  
reyna for president: Ok hold your britches  
bubblegum b!tch: “hold your britches”

"reyna for president" added "Wonder Woman" to the conversation “hellstew”

superboy: YOOOO IT’S HYLLA  
why: *ultra seventies music* WONDER WOMAAAAN! WONDER WOMAAAAN!  
Wonder Woman: Reyna, what silliness are you engaging in now?  
bubblegum b!tch: “silliness”  
a.f.a.f.: “hold your britches”  
reyna for president: Hylla, you’re intelligent, join the party  
who’s flying the pane: Finally, a sane person I can relate to?  
why: lmao  
marianas trash: um  
Wonder Woman: Oh, it’s these two again.  
gem and the holograms: Hylla what do you mean by silliness? Reyna’s the least silly person I know!  
double dare ya: well  
Wonder Woman: She’s silly, setting her sights on the mere presidency when she should be aiming for world domination.  
who’s flying the plane: ……..and nevermind  
reyna for president: Add your girlfriend  
Wonder Woman: She’s not my girlfriend.

"Wonder Woman" added "mckinzie" to the conversation “hellstew”

Wonder Woman: Hi, babe.  
a.f.a.f.: lesbian memed  
keith: Kinzie no offense but I literally thought you died  
superboy: Nico!! You’re back!  
sabrina the teenage bitch: We worked out our problems  
sabrina the teenage bitch: I swear I’ll never sell out to the Straights again  
keith: thanks  
why: Nico how did you think Kinzie was dead. you can literally sense the dead  
listen bitch: people here need to stop using ‘literally’ so often  
sharp dressed dwarf: Literally  
listen bitch: >:(  
mckinzie: Perseus Jackson is that you?  
why: u h m  
lance: Yet another person who’s had a crush on Percy  
mckinzie: Don’t be silly, I had no such crush. I merely thought his dark hair would look fetching with an iron collar  
lance: YIKES  
a.f.a.f.: bisexual memed?  
who’s flying the plane: CAN THE SEARCH FOR SANE PEOPLE CONTINUE PLEASE  
mckinzie: Hylla, what have you dragged me into?  
Wonder Woman: A hellstew, apparently.  
hadrian’s girl: Can you two stop with that perfect gps you make me feel inadequate  
you’re welcome: Godly Positioning System?  
why: CAN YOU STOP SHOWING UP EVERY TWO HOURS  
hadrian’s girl: grammar punctuation spelling  
you’re welcome: Oh  
sabrina the teenage bitch: three unholy things that don’t belong in a chat  
waltubis: What about us can’t we add some people from Brooklyn House?  
bubblegum b!tch: who tho we’re the only relevant ones

"waltubis" added "princess jasmine" to the conversation “hellstew”

princess jasmine: Ohhh, you’re gonna regret that one Sadie Kane  
bubblegum b!tch: EW  
candy kane: Hi Jaz  
why: introductions please I don’t want to get lost  
princess jasmine: Magician, resident bombshell blonde, full-time healer and destructor of Sadie Kane  
sabrina the teenage bitch: You already sound like my best friend  
hadrian’s girl: Um no offense but my daughter Sadie is pretty hard to destroy  
princess jasmine: Oh yeah? Watch this  
princess jasmine: Marina and the Diamonds is overrated  
bubblegum b!tch: LISTEN,,, , , HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT I AM YOUR S U P E R I O R O F F I C E R AND I WILL NOT HESITATE TO STRIKE  
waltubis: haha  
bubblegum b!tch: DON’T YOU HAHA ME  
queen of love and beauty: Hi sorry I’m late to the party but I just had a really terrible idea  
double dare ya: Whatever it is…… do it

"queen of love and beauty" added "tanaka-chan" to the conversation “hellstew”

tanaka-chan: Oh gods, Dumpster Queen, what have you done  
bubblegum b!tch: OHHHHH……;;.;.;……UH UH HELL NO  
tanaka-chan: Oh. It’s you.  
queen of love and beauty: Drew you know Sadie?  
tanaka-chan: We go to the same school, unfortunately  
princess jasmine: Oh hi! Didn’t see you there sweetie :)   
tanaka-chan: Aw Jaz! Almost missed your fake ass :)  
princess jasmine: Honey don’t be mad because I stole the lead in Phantom! We all know I was a better Christine anyway  
candy kane: Do you have any idea what you’ve started  
sharp dressed dwarf: somebody get the fucking popcorn  
tanaka-chan: Like I even wanted the part! Everyone knows Christine is a whiny fake-ass ho but I guess if the shoe fits, right?  
princess jasmine: Speaking of shoes, I saw those knockoff Louboutins in the hall yesterday! Didn’t know you wanted to be the Amber to my Cher but I’m more than honoured <3  
tanaka-chan: Listen here Jazzy “this is totally my natural colour!” Anderson, calling yourself Princess Jasmine as if you could ever be that cool. The only Disney Princess you should be named after? Is Aurora and her 16 minutes of screentime  
princess jasmine: And yet, Aurora still manages to be one of the most Iconic princesses ever despite only having 16 minutes to show it? Yikes hon you really dug your own grave there!  
princess jasmine: And I really don’t think you have any right to be talking about screen names when you’ve got that –chan crap going like you were the cute heroine of a shoujo manga!!  
why: is it wrong that I totally ship it  
bubblegum b!tch: DREW TANAKA GET OFF MY CHAT  
tanaka-chan: Oh Sadie honey don’t you know Marina and the Diamonds is so overrated?  
hadrian’s girl: LMFAOO  
a.f.a.f.: b t f o  
sharp dressed dwarf: Keep them who even needs Bring It On  
who’s flying the plane: the search…for sane people…continues….  
mango: Sorry Sam, I think its been established that we don’t know any sane people  
Wonder Woman: I just scrolled all the way up the chat, and I must say, you people disgust me.  
reyna for president: OOOOPS  
mckinzie: Reyna, you told us you didn’t like Twilight?  
reyna for president: I don’t!!!!!! Rachel I swear to Olympus I’m gonna wring your neck  
why: kinky  
reyna for president: NOT IN FRONT OF THE AMAZONS PERCY  
queen of love and beauty: The Amazons like Twilight?  
reyna for president: the amazons…..love……vampires…..  
a.f.a.f.: I am….Disgusted  
mango: Alex, you???you fucking love vampires  
a.f.a.f.: um NO I love that funky Taika Waititi documentary  
keith: “What We Do In The Shadows”   
keith: good movie  
waltubis: No offense Nico but literally that sounds like a documentary of your life  
keith: No offense but literally you could be my costar  
listen bitch: no offense but can I be in it too  
gem and the holograms: honorary death baby!!  
waltubis: you gotta dress in black and get that Emo Diva look down  
zebra: If you guys are doing that, then us Fire Babies are gonna make our own documentary  
keith: there’s TWO of you  
lance: On one condition, my man Frank gets to be in it too  
marianas trash: On the one hand thank you but on the other hand I’m still terrified of fire you know  
a.f.a.f.: Hey in some mistranslation’s Loki’s name means ‘fire’ can I come?  
lance: Hella yeah!!!!  
marianas trash: fire/shapeshifters squad?  
lance: WAIT, Blitz has gotta join too  
sharp dressed dwarf: Um, but why though?  
lance: Because dwarfs forge things and I forge things and we need a stylist  
sharp dressed dwarf: aight sounds good, I’m down  
mango: Samirah you should be part of that  
who’s flying the plane: I don’t want to be part of ANYTHING I want SANE PEOPLE TO TALK TO  
reyna for president: She should join me, Annabeth, and Piper’s squad  
why: YOU HAVE A SQUAD??  
bubblegum b!tch: I thought I joined that squad!!!!!!!!  
tanaka-chan: boo bye ;)  
queen of love and beauty: Drew don’t be mad because we didn’t let you join, Sadie of course you’re part of the squad <3  
princess jasmine: BOO, BYE ;)  
tanaka-chan: Oh, shut up you’re not part of it either  
superboy: ~I don’t care~  
why: ~I ship it~  
princess jasmine: I came out here to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now  
a.f.a.f.: princess memed  
mango: can you just change your name to ‘meme’ already  
princess jasmine: Hey Alex Fierro As Fuck, if you’re looking for some new screen names “he herself” “unchained melody” “national treasure” or “changeling” might work :)  
a.f.a.f.: how do you know all that  
princess jasmine: I do my scrolling up when I join a chat!  
tanaka-chan: Those are weak, as expected from someone with weak cheer game  
candy kane: Oh yeah I forgot to mention Jaz and Drew are both on the BAG cheerleading squad  
sharp dressed dwarf: HONESTLY WHO EVEN NEEDS BRING IT ON: ALL OR NOTHING ANYMORE

"a.f.a.f." changed her name to "national treasure"

national treasure: I like this one, thanks princess ;)  
princess jasmine: Anytime~! :)  
tanaka-chan: UGH  
sabrina the teenage bitch: get rekt drew  
tanaka-chan: fuck off dr douchebag   
sabrina the teenage bitch: drew you’re like that stock shoujo character who pretends to be all cute and nice when the guys are around but as soon as they look away you get all bitchy and *snake emoji* at the leading lady  
princess jasmine: GET R E K T DREW  
tanaka-chan: jokes on you because Ami was the best part of Toradora  
national treasure: Sorry princess but all this anime talk gave me a great idea

"national treasure" changed her name to "alex on ice"

sabrina the teenage bitch: YES WE WERE BORN TO MAKE HISTORY  
mango: on what now?  
alex on ice: Oh Magnus…come find a skating rink I’ll show you the true meaning of Eros  
hadrian’s girl: WEDDING BELLS INTENSIFY  
mango: ttrue m eaning o f wHAT NoW  
keith: I just had a belated panic attack  
superboy: I was waiting for that  
sabrina the teenage bitch: But no one even said Kallura  
keith: DAMMIT  
lance: DAMMIT  
sabrina the teenage bitch: DAMMIT  
Wonder Woman: I’m not even participating but this is wild.  
gem and the holograms: story of my life, to be honest  
who’s flying the plane: ALRIGHT, THIS IS IT. ENOUGH. I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE

"who’s flying the plane" added "amir" to the conversation “hellstew”

who’s flying the plane: HI. HONEY. HELP ME OUT HERE.  
mango: :o Amir buddy is that you?  
amir: It’s me!  
alex on ice: Uhhh are you sure this is a good idea Sam  
amir: Samirah has nothing but good ideas, what are you talking about  
you’re welcome: Wait, is this the guy Sam is engaged to?  
why: STOP!!!!!! SHOWING UP EVERY THREE HOURS  
amir: That’s me!  
mango: Amir she wants you to be the sane part of this chat  
amir: oh  
amir: sorry

"amir" changed his name to "hit it fergie"

who’s flying the plane: why am I even engaged to you  
hit it fergie: ALL THE TIME I TURN AROUND BROTHERS GATHER ROUND ALWAYS LOOKING AT ME UP AN DOWN LOOKIN AT MY AHHHHH  
why: I love this guy

>> “Huntress Squad”

don’t you forget about me: Alright, I finally caught up on Riverdale!!  
she’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll kick you in the face: FUCK WHY WHY WOULD YOU EVEN FUCK RIGHT ON OUT WITH THAT SHIT  
don’t you forget about me: Oops, wrong chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amir's a memer and YOU KNOW IT


	5. family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO HOW BOUT THAT DARK PROPHECY COMING OUT TOMORROW EYYY
> 
> I ran out of ideas for this so I might not post any more (this kind of serves as a finale) BUT if the new books give me new material to work with I'll come back! Fingers crossed, I can't wait to see my bae Calypso again~ Also hopefully the book will give me clarity on Rachel/Reyna vs. Apollo/Reyna, because I lowkey ship both really hard

>> “hellstew”

superboy: Good news, everyone!  
why: hi professor  
hadrian’s girl: Jason, I thought you hated being old  
superboy: ssshhHHH I have an announcement!!  
keith: everyone listen up  
superboy: I finally thought of a kid’s name better than Hadrian Chase-Jackson  
queen of love and beauty: Oooh!! Lay it on me babe!  
superboy: get this: Aria  
bubblegum b!tch: *arya  
superboy: Because its Latin for ‘air’ but I also reminiscent of singing/a beautiful voice  
queen of love and beauty: Aw, Jason that’s so sweet! I love it!  
hadrian’s girl: no offense but Hadrian is gonna beat Aria up  
queen of love and beauty: no offense but I’d like to see him try  
marianas trash: Oh yeah Hazel already came up with a name we just didn’t say it in the chat  
keith: What is it?  
gem and the holograms: Jade!  
keith: Love it :)  
why: perf  
lance: JADE ZHANG OTHERWISE KNOWN AS JAY-Z  
marianas trash: oh goddamn it  
why: Annabeth I want three kids  
hadrian’s girl: Why?  
why: so we can be the Jackson Five  
hadrian’s girl: Done deal. Any other names?  
mango: I nominate Coral  
sharp dressed dwarf: Seconded!  
hadrian’s girl: noted and I love it cuz :)  
double dare ya: Do Cassandra, Cassie for short, for me :)  
you’re welcome: oh no please don’t  
hadrian’s girl: That’s cute I like it  
why: Who’s Cassandra?  
double dare ya: An Oracle  
you’re welcome: A painful reminder of the lowest point of my life  
why: Oh, sounds perfect then  
you’re welcome: PERSEUS I AM, WOUNDED  
hadrian’s girl: Coral, Cassie, and Hadrian  
bubblegum b!tch: AND SADIE  
waltubis: Sadie what are we gonna name our future children?  
bubblegum b!tch: Alien  
waltubis: ugh not this again  
queen of love and beauty: What now?  
bubblegum b!tch: Did you guys know walt is descended from aliens? I watched a show and Akhenaten, aka Tutankhamen’s dad, was totally an alien  
candy kane: Sadie, stop watching Ancient Aliens. That’s an order  
bubblegum b!tch: THEY BUILT THE PYRAMIDS, CARTER  
gem and the holograms: Walt my fellow gemstone enthusiast, do what I did. Gemstone names!!  
waltubis: Great idea! Sadie any thoughts?  
bubblegum b!tch: Well, Gemma is a pretty popular British name  
alex on ice: ‘Stan’ means stone in ye olde English  
alex on ice: your kid could be stone stone  
mango: The return of moon moon  
alex on ice: ;)  
hadrian’s girl: What about you two? You must have thoughts  
alex on ice: LITERALLY GET OFF?? I AM DEAD  
mango: I think kids are a little out of the question for either of us. We’re both ghosts. Also neither of us have a uterus  
sabrina the teenage bitch: LIKE THAT STOPS ANYTHING  
you’re welcome: I have had several children with men over the years!  
sabrina the teenage bitch: Kayla says hi  
reyna for president: Hey otp what are my future godchildren going to be named??  
sabrina the teenage bitch: Ahhh we’ve never really talked about it  
keith: I just went a really long time thinking children were an impossibility, given that, you know, I like guys  
superboy: Did you never even think about adoption?  
keith: Internalised homophobia, Jason  
keith: Anyway I’ve spent a lot of time with the Apollo cabin and especially Kayla so I’m over all that now  
you’re welcome: My username says all! :):)  
keith: but I still don’t know any good names  
lance: What about Keith tho  
keith: I love him but that’s an ugly name  
sharp dressed dwarf: HAH  
lance: rrrroasted  
sabrina the teenage bitch: As long as it’s nothing super biblical my family are Those Southerners with weird old testament names like Malachi and Ezekiel so you think they should be jewish but they’re actually super psycho Christians  
marianas trash: Yikes  
lance: oh, Those Southerners  
lance: I stayed with one for a while  
lance: it was an Experience  
why: leo you’re a sap like me do you have any kids names picked out  
lance: uh that’s a touchy subject  
don’t you forget about me: I don’t really like to talk about it  
why: why though?  
hadrian’s girl: Percy, nuh uh

"lance" >> "don’t you forget about me"

lance: Hey are you ok?  
don’t you forget about me: Yes, fine  
don’t you forget about me: well no, not really  
lance: I am really sorry  
lance: we can go  
don’t you forget about me: I think maybe I should tell them  
lance: Are you sure? You don’t have to if you don’t want to  
don’t you forget about me: no, you know, I want them to know. And if I never talk about it, it’s only going to get worse as years go by  
don’t you forget about me: Especially now that I’m mortal, too  
lance: ok, I got you no matter what  
don’t you forget about me: <3  
lance: <3

>> “hellstew”

zebra: Has anyone seen Leo or Calypso?  
why: I didn’t mean to be insulting I don’t know what’s going on  
hadrian’s girl: Honestly, do NONE of you read myths??  
don’t you forget about me: It’s okay Annabeth, it’s fairly obscure  
zebra: CAL!  
why: Calypso whatever I said I’m really sorry  
don’t you forget about me: no Percy, you didn’t say anything  
don’t you forget about me: Children are a sore spot for me. I may look like a teenager, but I am 4000 years old. And while Odysseus was staying on my island, I had two children  
don’t you forget about me: They only stayed with me for around ten years, and then they left the island to find their father. And, of course, they died, several centuries ago.  
gem and the holograms: Oh, dear…  
why: Oh, Cal, I am so so sorry.  
don’t you forget about me: I forgive you, and I don’t blame you for not knowing, I don’t broadcast it  
don’t you forget about me: It is a very raw wound, still  
you’re welcome: I’ve had many of my children die over the years, it never gets any easier  
keith: I lost my sister but I can’t imagine what that’s like.  
marianas trash: My mom always said there was nothing worse than the idea of your children dying before you. I never believed her, especially after she died, but I think I do now.  
don’t you forget about me: Thank you all, I really appreciate your support  
don’t you forget about me: I hope that talking about it will eventually help me feel more at peace with it  
listen bitch: We are always here to listen :)  
listen bitch: Ah sorry my username suddenly feels very inappropriate  
don’t you forget about me: haha, thank you:) and in case this is getting too sad for you all, I do still consider my future containing many children with Leo  
lance: *fist pump  
reyna for president: I expect the full Hispanic family from you both, complete with chanclas  
lance: You know it!  
don’t you forget about me: And yes Percy, Leo is indeed a sap like you. Leo, recite your list  
lance: list what list  
don’t you forget about me: I know you have it, I’ve seen it. It’s ok. Fess up ;)  
lance: ……..okay so Elena Esmeralda Juanita Marco Ramon Diego and Marisol are like, the top few  
alex on ice: “few”  
superboy: Was one of those your mom’s name?  
lance: Mom’s name was Esperanza :) hits a little too close to home, you know  
marianas trash: all too well  
why: Ok lets harass another couple who hasn’t had it yet  
mango: Sam!! Amir!! Given any thought?  
you’re welcome: Yes, considering that you are ENGAGED, lucky bastards  
who’s flying the plane: Yes we’ve given THOUGHT but that doesn’t mean I want you all to know  
hit it fergie: She’s partial to Alya!  
who’s flying the plane: AMIR  
hit it fergie: I like Mohammed but who doesn’t. Also Sadaf!  
sharp dressed dwarf: I’m already making plans for the baby shower  
why: hey bliiiitz  
sharp dressed dwarf: Hearth and I already have a son, don’t start with us  
mango: <3 my dads!  
sabrina the teenage bitch: Magnus beats everyone with two dads by having three dads  
listen bitch: Yes, he’s our son and we love him, though I would have picked Cole  
sharp dressed dwarf: Coal  
listen bitch: Cinder  
sharp dressed dwarf: Ash  
listen bitch: Ember  
mango: ok enough we get it  
alex on ice: Is this because Hearth and his brother have fireplace names or because you like Cinderella?  
listen bitch: Both  
sharp dressed dwarf: Both is good  
keith: HEY WILL, I THOUGHT OF A NAME  
sabrina the teenage bitch: ???????YOU DID??!!!!!!  
keith: I DID. ARE YOU READY?  
keith: PLEASE DON’T QUESTION IT  
sabrina the teenage bitch: OK I’M READY  
keith: ANNAMARIA  
sabrina the teenage bitch: WOW THAT’S REALLY CUTE. ANY PARTICULAR REASON?  
keith: I JUST THINK IT’S REALLY PRETTY  
sabrina the teenage bitch: OK I LIKE IT  
keith: OK  
sabrina the teenage bitch: OK I’M GONNA GO KISS YOU RIGHT NOW  
keith: OK  
who’s flying the plane: literal diabetes  
reyna for president: you guys….are so good and pure….  
you’re welcome: Will I’ve never congratulated you on finding such a gem of a boyfriend  
lance: they’re both literal blushing messes on the floor I can’t with these two  
superboy: otp!!  
queen of love and beauty: Jason! I’ve thought of another one!  
queen of love and beauty: What about Skye? Or Skyler?  
superboy: HAH love it <3  
gem and the holograms: boy/girl?  
marianas trash: hey gender neutral names are good  
queen of love and beauty: either/or/both  
queen of love and beauty: I’d add the shrugging emoji but its not on my keyboard and I’m too lazy to go find it  
reyna for president: gender neutral names are great it’s too bad Spanish names are so masculine/feminine  
marianas trash: Morgan  
reyna for president: Riley  
mango: Alex  
alex on ice: :)  
marianas trash: Taylor  
gem and the holograms: Isn’t there a senate meeting going right now?  
reyna for president: ;)  
reyna for president: Hey you know what name I do like though? Livy  
hadrian’s girl: AW. HELL YEAH  
reyna for president: ;) yeah you know it  
lance: that’s not a Spanish name or am I going mad  
marianas trash: That’s the Roman historian, right?  
hadrian’s girl: Our kids are gonna be the coolest kids on the block  
reyna for president: That’s the one! It was a nickname for Livius which is nice, but Livy is nicer  
double dare ya: Gosh Reyna I love it  
you’re welcome: You’ve got a great ear for names, Reyna :D  
reyna for president: both of you, GO HOME  
why: Hey Rach, do you have any names picked out?  
double dare ya: No. Instead I have made plans to become the Wine Aunt to my plethora of godchildren y’all are gonna give me  
alex on ice: WINE AUNT  
double dare ya: I’LL TAKE ALL YOUR KIDS FOR RIDES IN MY HELICOPTER  
reyna for president: Aw that’s too bad, I thought you’d make a great mom  
you’re welcome: ARE YOU HITTING ON HER  
double dare ya: ARE YOU HITTING ON ME  
reyna for president: Just an observation  
Wonder Woman: Reyna…  
reyna for president: LEAVE OFF CHICA  
why: HYLLA ANY AMAZON BABIES ON THE WAY  
Wonder Woman: No.  
mckinzie: I mean but if we did have a kid we’d name her Theodora  
Wonder Woman: Yes, dear.  
sabrina the teenage bitch: Like why are you two even hiding it anymore  
tanaka-chan: Ew. Um don’t you guys think it’s weird that you’re all like 16 and talking about your future kids  
why: No  
queen of love and beauty: go away  
you’re welcome: *3000  
don’t you forget about me: *4000  
hadrian’s girl: I mean logically, when you think about it, demigods live high-risk lives  
hadrian’s girl: And people in high-risk lives, ie firemen or law enforcement, are statistically proven to marry and have children younger  
hadrian’s girl: The same thing happens during wartime, the age of parenthood goes down  
hadrian’s girl: So yeah considering that any of us have a good chance of dying on any given day, it’s not unusual for us to be thinking about the future  
why: annabeth, that was bleak  
tanaka-chan: Literally anyone has a chance of dying on any given day  
queen of love and beauty: Do you not even know the definition of ‘high-risk’  
bubblegum b!tch: STOP PLAYIN DREW I KNOW YOU MADE A LIST OF BABY NAMES AND MATCHED THEM TO YOUR FAVOURITE CELEBRITIES  
tanaka-chan: I DID NO SUCH THING  
bubblegum b!tch: YEAH YOU DID I TOOK PICTURES

bubblegum b!tch posted a picture

sabrina the teenage bitch: This is blurry but Drew, oh my good gods, this is just a list of the Most Popular Girls In School  
why: NO BUT IT IS THO  
double dare ya: lalallala I love Gossip Girl soooo much  
sabrina the teenage bitch: NO ONES FUCKING TALKING ABOUT GOSSIP GIRL, RACHEL DARE  
queen of love and beauty: I’m crying literal tears of laughter  
sharp dressed dwarf: LISTEN BITCH, I DON’T KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU ARE, BUT  
listen bitch: I’M HEARTHSTONE. I’m NEW  
sharp dressed dwarf: I don’t give A FUCK  
listen bitch: Oh really? cause it SURE SEEMS LIKE YOU DO  
mango: hearth??????  
listen bitch: closed captioning  
mango: ah  
tanaka-chan: Those are NOT future baby names ok besides the ONLY name I’d give my kid would be Alanna  
princess jasmine: Oh my gods  
double dare ya: I’M HAVING VIOLENT MIDDLE SCHOOL FLASHBACKS TO TORTALL  
marianas trash: AW MAN, TORTALL WAS MY JAM  
sabrina the teenage bitch: ME TOO! DAINE WAS MY QUEEN  
marianas trash: I mean Thayet was literally The queen but Daine was great, too. Also Kel  
double dare ya: KEL  
bubblegum b!tch: I feel like I’ve read these books  
hadrian’s girl: Every girl who went through middle school read these books  
who’s flying the plane: Actually I have to intercede, because I can confirm that I did indeed read the Tortall books  
waltubis: Wait uhh, guys did we miss something? I’m with Jaz and she’s just staring off into space  
candy kane: Oh no did you break her?  
candy kane: She’s our healer you can’t do that  
superboy: Wait when Drew mentioned the name Alanna she said “oh my gods”  
princess jasmine: No I fucking didn’t

bubblegum b!tch sent a photo

bubblegum b!tch: I have receipts, bitch  
why: YEAH SHE DID, WHAT’S ALL THAT ABOUT HMMM???  
princess jasmine: Ok fine ugh I just  
princess jasmine: can’t believe Screwy Drew and I agree on anything  
alex on ice: SCREWY DREW  
bubblegum b!tch: SCREWY DREW  
sabrina the teenage bitch: SCREWY DREW  
keith: What did you start  
tanaka-chan: Well I suppose statistically it was bound to happen  
why: Alanna Tanaka-Anderson  
superboy: Alanna Anderson-Tanaka  
why: beautiful  
tanaka-chan: Please stop talking  
princess jasmime: It doesn’t MEAN anything  
bubblegum b!tch: Dad if I find them snogging in a storage closet at school I’ll send you receipts  
why: Thanks  
princess jasmine: GODS CARTER MAKE THEM TALK ABOUT YOU  
candy kane: Ok ok jeez  
candy kane: Yes, I’m a sap just like Percy and Leo. Rip into me  
lance: Face it, in this chat we’re all saps  
bubblegum b!tch: We can’t rip into you if you don’t give us anything to go on mate  
candy kane: Well, I’ve always liked the idea of using Mom & Dad’s names but inverting the names, like Juliet or Juliana  
candy kane: But of course I don’t know anything for Ruby  
bubblegum b!tch: Oh. that’s. actually really sweet  
waltubis: Rubeus?  
who’s flying the plane: There’s a guy in my advanced trig class called Reuben, we call him Ruby for short sometimes  
candy kane: Aw, Reuben is nice! Thank you!  
hit it fergie: See she’s a sap just like the rest of you, it’s just hidden under the prickly porcupine exterior  
who’s flying the plane: You know what you better get me the biggest ring in Tiffany’s  
hit it fergie: send me a pic and I’ll sell my soul to get the one you want  
why: LMAO I LOVE THIS GUY  
who’s flying the plane: Ok that’s really sweet and all but please don’t joke about things like that  
sharp dressed dwarf: Actually there are a lot of cursed rings in Norse mythology…  
alex on ice: I smell a SIDE QUEST  
who’s flying the plane: PLEASE DON’T  
don’t you forget about me: Zia you’ve been a little quiet are you ok hon?  
zebra: Me? oh  
candy kane: Oh gods did I scare you away. I’m so sorry. I know I tend to go Full Boyle sometimes I try to pump the brakes but if I made you uncomfortable at all  
zebra: NO, no no  
zebra: Relax, sugar  
lance: SHE CALLS HIM SUGAR  
lance: WHEN WILL UR OTP EVER  
zebra: Carter just got me thinking, when he mentioned his parents names  
carter kane: Oh. I’m such an ignoramus, Zia, obviously you have parents too  
zebra: Uhhm, yea. This is kind of the thing…the only real father I’ve ever known was Iksander, my parents died when I was very very young  
zebra: And well. I don’t actually know their names?  
bubblegum b!tch: Oh, Zia  
candy kane: I’m sorry, I never knew  
zebra: Not your fault. I didn’t actually realise how much it hurt until just now  
lance: Zebra, you know we’re all here for you  
zebra: Thanks, Lion  
keith: You must have been so young?  
zebra: I was about two, I think  
don’t you forget about me: Zia, if there’s anything any of us can do, don’t hesitate to ask.  
lance: yeah for sure  
waltubis: Wait a second  
waltubis: What the fuck am I doing  
zebra: ?  
waltubis: I’ve spent so long up here being Walt I forgot I’m also Anubis  
waltubis: Hang on, Zia  
bublegum b!tch: What just happened????  
princess jasmine: I don’t know we were working on charms and he just jumped into shadows?  
sabrina the teenage bitch: ??????Nico do you think he’s????  
keith: Oh, I think he might be  
zebra: Do you think he’s what??  
candy kane: I’m very confused right now  
why: That’s the story of my life but I think I know what Nico means  
gem and the holograms: I think I do, too  
you’re welcome: :) I think you all may want to get a tissue for this  
waltubis: OK, I’M BACK  
waltubis: ZIA  
zebra: ??  
waltubis: Your parents’ names are Zahir and Shazi Rashid  
waltubis: They’re having a really good time in the afterlife, are common guests in Osiris’ hall and recently have been invited to tea parties with Ruby Kane  
waltubis: They’ve been watching you the whole time, and they say they couldn’t be more proud of the person you’ve become, and they love you more than anything in the world  
zebra: Oh  
zebra: my  
zebra: Thank you, Walt. Anubis.  
zebra: Carter I’m crying get in here?  
candy kane: OK HANG ON I’m COMING  
don’t you forget about me: I’m crying too, this is magical  
hadrian’s girl: We’re all crying? Don’t lie  
Wonder Woman: My heart may be made of iron but this was a warming experience  
mckinzie: from her that’s the best you’ll get  
reyna for president: your gps is gone?  
mckinzie: WE’RE BOTH CRYING TOO MUCH TO SEE THE KEYBOARD  
reyna for president: fuck it, RACHEL GET UP HERE  
marianas trash: She just ran out of the senate room  
gem and the holograms: Frank, you started blasting sad Marianas Trench songs  
gem and the holograms: I can hear them from outside the city  
marianas trash: I’LL BE RIGHT BESIDE YOU  
marianas trash: ALL OF YOU  
marianas trash: OKAY????  
why: frick guys hang on this constitutes a change

"why" changed the conversation name to “Family”

hadrian’s girl: get over here and hug me stupid boy  
sharp dressed dwarf: Oh no, now you’ve gone and made me cry  
sharp dressed dwarf: gonna smudge my mascara  
listen bitch: I feel good. Our empty cup family just got a whole lot bigger :)  
reyna for president: uh oh. nico?  
keith: screw it I NEED A GROUP HUG EVERYONE IN CABIN 13, NOW  
sabrina the teenage bitch: ON MY WAY  
don’t you forget about me: ON MY WAY  
lance: ON MY WAY  
you’re welcome: ON MY WAY  
superboy: ON MY WAY  
reyna for president: ON MY WAY  
keith: you’re in new rome  
reyna for president: ON MY WAY  
zebra: I love you all.  
zebra: I really do.  
zebra: I really, really, really do.  
you’re welcome: You know, maybe falling to Earth wasn’t such a bad thing, after all.  
sabrina the teenage bitch: get in the group hug dad  
you’re welcome: I SAID I WAS ON MY WAY

"tanaka-chan" >> "princess jasmine"

tanaka-chan: Hey, you wouldn’t happen to be close to the school, are you?  
princess jasmine: I’m at Brooklyn House, why?  
tanaka-chan: Oh. no reason  
princess jasmine: Are you crying in the changeroom again  
tanaka-chan: NO  
princess jasmine: Ok, hold on. I’ll be right there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if my only lasting impression on this fandom is Drew Tanaka/Jaz Anderson then I will have done some good in the world
> 
> Also it REALLY bothers me when people in this fandom think its "weird" or "unrealistic" for Percy and the like to be thinking about future children at 17 like???? Um when my friends and I were 15 we had literal LISTS of baby names and if we didn't have boyfriends we'd match them to celebrity crushes I've been thinking about future kids since like, seventh grade, NOT TO MENTION THE AMOUNT OF WEDDINGS I'VE PLANNED??? There's a reason shows like "Say Yes To The Dress" are so goddamn popular? If anything you have to APPRECIATE that it's Percy who thinks about it the most, given that its generally seen as "girly" or a thought process given to female characters. Look at my boy, breaking those gender conventional stereotypes
> 
> whoops sorry I yelled I just get....passionate...about these things
> 
> Dark Prophecy tomorrow!! :)


End file.
